


Do What Needs To Get Done.

by Lemonpoundcake



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Divergence - Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Kidnapping, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Post-Thor (2011), Shapeshifter Loki (Marvel), The Avengers (2012) Compliant, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26493748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonpoundcake/pseuds/Lemonpoundcake
Summary: Escaping from Asgard, Loki finds himself in New York. His goal now is to con Tony Stark out of his money so he can buy himself an identity on Midgard.Things don't always go according to plan.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Loki, James "Bucky" Barnes/Loki/Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 60
Kudos: 155





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever, so go easy on me.

Loki didn't anticipate Midgard. 

Maybe Alfheim or even Vanaheim if he was lucky. Not Midgard.

When Loki was transported back to Asgard in 2012, what little kindness Odin had showed him fizzled away. He was no longer his son, he was a criminal. He didn’t care that Loki was under the control of Thanos and his lackey, not that Loki said anything. He had always been very proud, and a term of imprisonment wouldn’t change that, be it by The Mad Titan or his former father. 

Not long after his imprisonment, Odin sewed his mouth shut after a particularly long week of tormenting the guards. The thick black thread woven through both lips dispelled any hope of verbal spells. All was not lost however. His mother, ever empathetic but never assertive, always visited him in the form of a ghost created by her magic. She brought him books and small pieces of furniture. 

He was shackled by two thin bracelets going around his wrists that, in addition to locking off the seider that fueled his magic, kept him from being hungry or thirsty, as he had no way to sate those needs. 

“Loki, I’m sorry. But you brought this on yourself.” Frigga sighed. Loki rolled his eyes, their ‘conversations’ (made up of Frigga talking and Loki nodding or shaking his head) always wound up like this. They always ended with Frigga berating him in a passive-aggressive manner. If he had his lips, he would sigh, but he settled for rolling his eyes.

“I guess this conversation is over then” Frigga said, standing from where she had been on his bed. 

“Goodbye Loki.” 

Loki raked a hand through his ratty black hair. Even though he was permitted furniture, a hairbrush was “too much of a threat” as Odin claimed. He stood and paced around his cell, contemplating his choices. He could stay here forever. That was less than enticing. Or, he could escape. How to go about it was the question. 

With his limited seider, if he wanted to use magic, there was only one other way. Blood magic. A younger version of himself would have scoffed at this, but now he had only one option. He glanced around the room for something sharp. Seeing nothing he slumped in a nearby chair. His eyes panned around the room once more, then, he spotted it. His mother had left him a bowl of water for washing himself. He picked up the bowl and heaved it to the ground, shattering it. The loud noise made Loki wince.

“Keep it down in there!” shouted one of the guards from down the hall. These imbeciles had no idea. 

Loki picked up a shard of the shattered bowl and pricked his finger. He cringed against the pain, but quickly got to work. A complex series of runes that led to several more finger pricks. As he finished the last rune, he heard a familiar stomping of boots coming up the hall. It was Thor, probably coming to gloat about a new victory while Loki tried his hardest to tune him out. 

At the last possible moment, Loki felt a falling sensation and embraced it. As he fell through the circle of runes he heard a distant whirring of machinery, he furrowed his brow, confused, before falling on his knees on hard concrete. He opened his eyes. This wasn’t Vanaheim or Alfheim. He was staring at the Empire State Building. 


	2. A Fresh Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki Sets himself up for success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys! Thanks for all the love on the last Chapter! This one is also kinda short, but I promise you a longer one after this. Sorry about all the editing on the last chapter too, I've never posted on AO3 before.

Loki winced at the pain in his knees. He stood, taking a look at his surroundings. It was night time in New York, The buildings alive with the glow of the technology housed in them. Taking a look in either direction, he decided to go left. After walking past many tall, square, buildings with dark windows, he spotted a familiar shape. A tall tower with a glowing A. It had lost some letters since his last visit, but the rest of the tower remained practically unchanged. 

Taking another step forward, he felt the exhaustion shoot up his leg, he hadn’t done this much walking since he was imprisoned by Odin. He searched around for a concealed location and spotted a semi-dark alleyway. He sagged against the brick wall. No doubt there was an alarm bell ringing somewhere in Asgard and he was being frantically searched for. Not out of concern for him, but a concern for what he might do to someone else. 

Loki smiled. At least someone cared. A fat teardrop rolled down his face and he tucked his head into his knees and cried vigorously. Even as proud as he was, Loki didn’t deny himself emotions, he just saved them for when nobody was looking. Or so he thought.

He must have fallen asleep like that, because when he opened his eyes again, the sun was just starting to peek out from the buildings in front of him, and all at once, the events of the night before flooded back to him. He blinked at an odd shadow further down in the alley, no doubt some other poor soul down on his luck. When he opened his eyes, it was gone. 

He stood up and stretched his aching back. A night slept against concrete was one far from comfortable, but not something all too novel to Loki. He recalled his time as a prisoner of The Mad Titan, and nights slept against hard floors not too dissimilar from the concrete. He continued his journey in the direction of Stark tower, or, presumably the Avengers tower, if the bold A had anything to do with it. He hoped he would not have to cross paths with them a second time, least of all that Beast that redecorated the floor with him.

He knew he had to either find a disguise or hide once the majority of the citizens of this city were awake. Spotting a small lush area of greens, he walked closer to a sign above a large arch proclaiming “ **Liten Helt Park** ”  Loki scoffed through his nose. He noticed a plastic fire truck with a slide extending out of the side. “Small heroes” indeed. The odd structure only came up to his waist. Scanning the area, he noticed several bushes with different types of flora. Going closer, he picked several types of leaves and berries, arranging them atop a nearby boulder, then smashing them hard with another rock. At least this ‘park’ was good for something. He scraped up his mixture, and, using his small shard of clay from his daring escape, he dug a line in his wrist. A thin line of blood dripped onto the pavement, and he rubbed his mixture into the wound. Not being able to use his mouth meant that he had to apply more direct methods of delivery. 

All of a sudden he felt a rush of adrenaline, he had enough power to conceal himself, at least for now. He also felt a pair of eyes on him. Instead of looking up, he calmly got to his feet and continued to walk. Once the passing of cars on the street next to him was a regular occurrence, he ducked into an alley and sat once more. He pulled his knees to his chest and focused as hard as he could. Loki felt his body change until the feeling stopped. He looked down at the results. Loki was now a woman with beige skin, short red hair, long legs and arms. Loki’s tunic was now a loose cotton shirt covering a small chest, but the leather pants remained the same. The simple cloth shoes were now ankle boots that seemed useful enough. 


	3. Celebrate good times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I refer to Loki as She/Her due to the sex change.

She would have to find an identity. 

After a few days of being a drifter, Loki was tired of picking out of the trash. She wanted real food, and she knew that meant having to get an identity. Well, she had one, she just didn’t have any proof. She even picked out her name;  _ Valoryie Løgner _ . Loki prided herself on hiding in plain sight. If people knew Norwegian, they would know her last name meant liar. 

She also prided herself on knowing her enemies. She knew that Tony Stark was a playboy, and that the door to his bedroom was a revolving one. A billionaire with an ego as large as Tony Stark meant gifts for the girls going through that revolving door. Gifts meant money, or at least could be pawned for such. Money meant that Loki could buy herself a past. There was going to be a party at the tower in a month and she knew she had to be there. 

She applied for a few jobs and found that the best paying ones that didn’t ask questions were either adult clubs or a beverage distributor called “Starbucks”. She took both. In the day she was Valoryie Løgner, an ordinary barista at Starbucks, filling orders for meaningless things like iced coffee and small pastries. She never worked register as a benefit of being mute. Her coworkers were all really understanding. At night however, she was Princess. Her nighttime gig was a place called Crown Jewel. So to her surprise and delight, the people here _wanted_ to be ruled over. Even without Loki speaking, they all still coughed up wads of money when she hit the stage. Loki’s naturally limber body was perfect for dancing. 

After stuffing her bag with money from both jobs, her clothes, and a small amount of food for the next day’s breakfast, she headed into the street and walked until she found it.  **Liten Helt Park.** The park always had at least one other homeless person there, and the benches weren’t too uncomfortable. This process went on for a month. Once she knew she had enough money to spare, she had a week until Stark’s party.

A few times, she tried to work up the gall to cut the threads binding her lips together, but she also didn’t want the wound to be infected. She would have to wait until she had Stark’s money to buy some antiseptic and a good pair of scissors. 

The week went by fast, and by friday night, she even had enough money to splurge on makeup that she bought at the drugstore. Her plan involved buying a dress, inexpensive jewelry, shoes, and enough ‘stuff’ to make herself worthy of Tony’s Stark’s time. 

It was Saturday. The day of the party. Loki did a closing shift at Starbucks, and when she was done, she readied herself in the bathroom. It wasn’t the best she had ever looked, but it also wasn’t the worst. She smoothed down the front of her dress and took the employee exit out the back into a shortcut across town. 

Once she got there, there was a line and a security guard. They were patting down people entering and waving a wide metal stick across their bodies. After waiting in line for what felt like too long, she was ushered up to the front.

“Hello ma’am, if you could please stick out your arms so we can do a pat down. Don’t want any harm to come to Mr. Stark, etc.” said the man with the stick. The other guard patted her arms, legs, and back before the other man waved the stick over her. Loki held her breath. It made a quiet beeping noise as it went over her arms. No doubt the shackles, but she had covered them with bracelets.

“Have a nice time ma’am.” the first man said, and waived her inside. Loki sighed with relief. Once inside, she noticed long, floor to ceiling mirrors. She examined her attire in the one closest to her. She had on a close fitting mermaid dress that hugged her curves and had styled her hair into a low ponytail that hung over her back. The dress was pale green, and the necklace around her neck was also green. She had tried to stay as green as possible, her favorite color was green, and it complemented her usually pale skin tone. 

“As a person whose hobby is staring at themselves, I can’t blame you, but there  _ is  _ a party going on”

Loki whipped around to see the man himself, Tony Stark. 

Placing a hand on her chest, Loki tried to calm her breathing.  _ There is no way he knows, you’re safe.  _ She thought to herself. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” Stark said after a minute. “But, like I said, there is a party happening, care to join me?” He stuck out his elbow for her to grab. She slipped her arm in his and they made their way to the bank of elevators. 

  
  


“Allow me to buy you a drink to make up for it.” Stark said once they had entered the ballroom. Loki shrugged, but nodded once she saw Stark making a pleading face.

“What do you like? Martini? Fancy cocktail?” Loki shrugged again, she had never heard of either of those things, all they had on Asgard was mead and ale. “Scotch for me and a Cosmo for the lady” he said, turning to the bartender. 

“You don’t talk much.” Stark commented after slamming back his scotch. Loki pointed to her mouth. “Are you mute?” Stark asked. Loki nodded. 

“What’s your name, mysterious mute stranger?” Loki shuffled through her clutch, pulling out a laminated card that said; 

“ **Hello, my name is Valoryie Løgner. Pleased to make your acquaintance** ” 

“Valoryie huh? That’s a bit of an old name, but certainly a unique spelling.” Loki shrugged again. 

They continued to talk for some time, well, Stark did all the talking, and Loki nodded when she agreed. She surprisingly found the conversation quite pleasant. Until Stark was pulled away by some business with other guests.

  
  


The rest of the night went pretty uneventfully. Stark migrated around the room while Loki remained in the corner. She had accomplished her goal of putting herself in Stark’s acquaintance list, all she needed to do now was make sure Stark didn't lose her in the shuffle. 

Catching him alone on the balcony, Loki stepped out into the balmy New York air. 

“You know, I meet a lot of people everyday. I do a lot of talking, but I have a feeling that the people I’m talking to don’t do a lot of listening” Stark said, not looking at Loki while he spoke. “It might be because you can’t respond, or maybe it’s because I’ve never met anyone like you before, but I feel like you really listen. I hope it’s the latter.” Stark said, finally looking at Loki as he finished his sentence. “This party was meant to be a celebration of a business deal that I just accomplished, and I anticipated being bored all night, and for the most part, I was.” he laughed. “Except when I was talking to you.” he said, looking Loki in the eyes.

Loki cupped her hand on the side of Stark’s face, pulling it close to her own, touching her forehead to his and humming a little, trying to radiate as much empathy as she could. She could remember the feeling of sitting through banquets for her brother’s achievements. The only non-warrior there. Tilting his face to be parallel to her own, she planted a kiss on his lips, lingering for a moment before separating them. She planted a second, faster kiss, on his forehead, before untangling their arms and walking away quickly, leaving the man standing there befuddled. 

The ride down in the elevator made Loki anxious. She didn’t want to have Stark catch up to her and have to explain herself. Once the elevator dinged the lobby, she was practically running, well, running as best as she could, she couldn’t  _ really _ run in these heels. She was dashing for the front door. Her heart didn’t slow down until she was in the alley on the way to the park. She was in the clear, that is, until she felt a searing pain in her leg, the feeling of her dress getting wet, and the sound of her head hitting the pavement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll start posting longer chapters now because the first two were set-up. Thanks for reading!


	4. A Fresh Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Longer chapters are here to stay thanks to late night/early morning bursts of creative flow. Thanks ADHD! I don't need to sleep. Let me map it out for you, shorter/medium chapter on Mondays, and waay longer ones on Wednesdays. (I know how it feels to have to wait a week for a story) Also... I don't think any of you know what's coming. :)

Handcuffs. Stupid stupid handcuffs. This wasn't the first time Loki had woken up with handcuffs, hell, he still had the shackles under his fake skin. The chill of the metal sent waves up Loki’s spine. Then he realized. _He._ He no longer felt the swell of breasts under his shirt. He also only felt one pair of restraints on his wrist. He kept his eyes closed and investigated. Feeling his body piece by piece. 

He could feel the weight of clothes, but not the dress he had last remembered. He had on a loose fitting shirt and what he recognized as shorts that went to mid- thigh. He also still felt a horrible pain in his knee and bit back a groan and winced in pain. There was a tight bandage around it, obviously whoever had taken him also treated his wound. 

He opened his eyes. Sunlight filtered through the floor to ceiling window that occupied one wall onto a moderately small bedroom. He was laying on a small bed with a metal bed frame, one of the beams spanning the side of the bed being what he was strapped to. His eyes panned over to a chair occupied by a dark brooding figure.

"Good morning" said the figure. Loki took a deep breath. 

"Who are you?" said the figure. Loki tightened his lips to indicate he can't talk.

Then his mouth opened with a quiet pop.

Loki gasped. This mysterious figure had cut the stitches through his mouth. He could still feel the sting around his lips where they were, and there was no doubt going to be scarring. The figure was unwavering throughout Loki’s revelation.

"Who are you?" repeated the man. Loki now observed a metal arm attached to the man's shoulder. Best not to piss him off. Loki knew when he had to dial down the sass to save his life. It wasn’t his favorite though. 

"Loki," he says, his voice crackling from lack of use. He swallowed harshly and rolled his sore neck. 

"What's your business with Tony Stark, Loki?” came the voice again. 

"What does anyone want from Tony Stark?" Loki says, huffing out a laugh. "He's rich, I'm poor." he closes his eyes again. Loki knew to cooperate. He could sense that this man, whoever he was, was determining whether to kill him or not. He hears a huff from the figure and couldn’t decide if it was a laugh or a sound of frustration. 

"And what's your name?" Loki asks, not opening his eyes. 

"That doesn't matter for right now, but you can call me Winter." 

"Nice to meet you Winter." Loki says, staring at the ceiling. 

Winter made a hmm sound and came closer. Loki felt his handcuffs loosen and fall away. Looking down at his hands, he no longer saw the shackles on his wrist placed there by his all-too-generous father. In their place were two red marks left by Winter's handcuffs. When he got up, Loki noticed similar clothes to his normal Asgardian garb. He was wearing a tight vest that looked very thick. He was also wearing thick pants with multiple pockets. Loki drew his attention back to the man as he started to speak. 

"Don't get it wrong you're not free, but if James sees you in handcuffs he'll feel a lot more guilty. Not that you can walk much anyway." He motioned to Loki's bandaged knee. "Don't worry about that by the way." He said, stepping partially out the door, "I dressed your wound and it's not infected." He stepped out, closing the door behind him. The door creaks closed, and Winter retreats down the hall. He heard the opening and closing of another door, and then nothing for several minutes, but he waited just to make sure.

After Loki was confident that he was alone, he sat up, gazing around the room once more. It contained very little except for his bed, the chair Winter was sitting in, and a desk pushed up against one of the walls. He swings his legs over to sit on the side of his bed and grimaces, Winter wasn’t wrong, he wasn’t going to be doing much walking any time soon. He stared out the window to the city below, they’re on a high floor, probably so the pedestrians under them wouldn’t see anything.

  
  
  


It’s about 4 hours later when Loki heard movement again. He sat up on his bed. The footsteps came closer to his door. He had opened it after not hearing movement for some time after Winter had left. He’s not afraid, in fact, he anticipates him. He moves closer to the door on one foot to wait for Winter’s arrival. What he doesn't expect is to see his captor in a man bun, graphic tee, and jeans. He’s holding a plastic coffee cup that he promptly drops upon seeing Loki.

“Shit”


	5. I Have My Reasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realize the timeline is a bit fuzzy here. But every movie up until Winter Soldier happened except Thor Dark World. Hope this helps!  
> (Sorry for posting so late, I got caught up in school work)

“Welcome home” Loki said, a bit confused.

“This is  _ really bad, _ ” replied Winter, or whoever this new man was. He started to pace round the apartment, Loki hobbled after him, hopping on one leg and grabbing for support on the nearby walls. He could see more of the apartment now, a kitchenette, a couch facing a TV, another door open to a bathroom, and a closed one leading to presumably another bedroom. Loki hopped over to the couch and sat, taking a deep breath. 

“Do you know who I am?” Loki asked. The man vigorously shook his head. Loki tilted his.  _ Memory loss perhaps?  _

“I’m Loki, and your name is Winter.” he says calmly, putting his hands up in a show of peace. As soon as he said Winter, the man spun on his heels and snarled at him.

“My name is  _ not _ Winter,” he sneered. “My name is James and I’m so fucked” he says, going back to pacing in his small kitchen. Loki recalled Winter’s statement from earlier  _ “if James sees you in handcuffs, he’ll feel a lot more guilty”. _

Then it clicked into place, Winter and James were one in the same. But at the same time, they were two separate entities all together. Loki sighed into the couch. “ _ James _ ,” he said, “It’s doing you no good to pace, that’s only making you more anxious” 

“What would you do if you found out you had someone captive at your place of residence?” James spat back.

“I would ask them about the details of their capture and why they had a bandage on their knee” James stopped, he obviously was not expecting a response. He walked over to the couch and collapsed next to Loki. “Not that I have answers about either of those questions.” he said. 

“This is  _ bad, _ ” said James again, his head in his hands. 

“If it helps any, I’m staying of my own volition,” Loki lied. Lying to someone again felt like slipping on a familiar pair of shoes, it comforted Loki to know he still knew how to lie. Winter had made it clear that he was not free to leave, but it’s not like Loki had anywhere else to go. “and nobody is going to report me missing, so you won’t get in trouble.” This was true. The Starbucks had no-shows all the time, and Crown Jewel weren’t employing dancers, because they worked as independent contractors. James’s breath hitched and Loki glanced over at him. He was rubbing his hands on his face. 

“Loki, I’m so sorry” James sighed, his head still buried in his hands. Loki ran his hand down James’ back. He flinched, but didn’t make a move to get up. 

They stayed like this for an hour.

* * *

  
  


**James**

With a start, James realized that the last memory he had was from two days ago. He was going out to the Starbucks to pick up his usual order. The only thing different about the trip from the many trips he had taken before, was that he noticed a new barista. He usually went around 5:30, right before the employees started their closing procedure. He wanted to be their last customer, because he couldn’t afford someone recognizing him. 

The new barista had shoulder-length red hair, freckles, and cuff bracelets on both wrists adorned with beads. She was very beautiful. Her eyes were a shade of green so intense that he thought they had to be contacts. He caught himself staring and shook his head slightly. He ordered his drink, paid, and moved to stand in the alleyway around the back of the store. At the time, he had no idea why. He usually ordered and walked back to his apartment, but this time, he felt the urge to wait, for what, he had no idea. Then he saw her, the barista, emerging from a door on the back of the building. As soon as he saw her, he felt the Winter Soldier too. His vision was starting to narrow, and the edges were starting to darken. He fought as hard as he could, and the last thing he remembers thinking was;  _ her dress compliments her eyes _ , before slipping under the control of the soldier. 

When the Winter soldier was in control, James felt like a warm blanket was pulled over him. This blanket wasn’t always welcome. Sure, he enjoyed not having the memories of carrying out his orders from Hydra, but he also didn’t like having gaps in his memory. Like this one. Unlike Bruce and the Hulk, it was a complete blank, no flashes. 

He had woken up in the locker room of his gym, Winter’s favorite spot. From the rapidly forming bruise on his hand, Winter had evidently slammed his hand in the locker that he was standing in front of. Also Winter’s favorite. He liked to slam his hand in things so that James would wake up. Unlike when James turned into Winter, whenever James reemerged, it was sudden and violent. 

James dug around in the locker for his watch. 

5:19 pm it proclaimed. 

He quickly got dressed and packed his duffel bag. He exited the gym, nodding at the front desk clerk, before stepping out onto the sidewalk. He made his way to the Starbucks, the benefit of the gym being Winter’s favorite place, was that the Starbucks was only a five minute walk away. As he pulled open the glass door to the coffee shop, he took a deep breath in, smelling the roasted beans and assorted pastries behind the glass display. As he opened his eyes, he noticed that the barista he had seen wasn’t there. He desperately hoped that the reason she wasn’t there was because she had worked another shift that day, but he also feared the worst. He walked up to the counter.

“Iced coffee with two sugars and skim milk” he said to the barista at the counter. 

“Name?”

“Jamie” 

He handed the barista the cash from his bag. He couldn't use credit cards because he didn’t want Steve to find him. Steve wanted Bucky, and James didn’t know who that was anymore. He had spent the last year avoiding him. He admitted that being so close to the Avengers tower wasn’t his greatest idea, but the soldier part of him that wasn’t Winter also wanted to keep an eye on him. 

“Coffee for Jamie!” said the barista, cutting through his thoughts.

He walked around to the pick-up counter and took his coffee. Taking a sip, he sighed. The thing he missed the most after being freed from his mind prison besides freedom itself, was good coffee, not that there was iced coffee in the forties. He walked back towards the door and stepped out into the muggy July air. There was a storm coming. He hurried back to his apartment in Manhattan. It was small, but it was cheap. It had two bedrooms, one he used as his office. He worked at home for a pharmaceutical company with good pay, he didn’t need any degrees for it, which was convenient. For how good of a spy he was, he was also bad at using a laptop. He adjusted though, as he had with all facets of his life. 

Coming upon his building as it was getting dark, he entered the elevator and took the ride up to the 23rd floor, stepping out on his floor. The hallway carpeting was ratty. The green, red and yellow threads completely faded, with visible wear marks from the multitude of people that had come and gone. He turned the key in the lock in  _ 239. _ He swings the door open and steps inside, closing the door behind him. Strangely, the door to his office was open.  _ Could there have been a break-in?,  _ he thought.  _ Who would steal from a cheap old apartment? _ There was nothing inside worth stealing except for his laptop, and even that was barely worth anything for how old it was. 

_ Is it Steve?  _ was his last panicked thought. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and he was ready to push Winter down so that he didn’t create a further mess of the situation. However, Winter still laid dormant.  _ That can’t be good. _ He didn't have to ponder what this could mean, when he saw a figure move in the threshold of his office. A tall, wiry figure. With long black hair that curled at the end. The figure moved more into the light and James caught a glimpse of a tight ace bandage around their knee. 

He dropped his coffee. He felt the liquid spill over his shoes and heard the ice clatter on the floor. 

He could only think of one thing to say;

“Shit”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like where this is going? Leave a kudos or a comment to let me know!


	6. A Discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our characters are quite tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :0 It's Monday again, you know what that means! Another chapter. Looking forward to Wednesday, it's a doozy! Stay tuned :)

“I might have a way to ask the guilty party.” Loki said after James finished telling him about the last things he remembers doing. “If I act as a sort of proxy, I can draw Winter to a point where he isn’t in control, but has the cognitive function to tell me what happened. Then I'll tell you what happened.” James' head was resting right by Loki’s feet, Loki’s legs were curled up, with James laying down on the couch.

“I don’t really _want_ to know, and besides, are you even sure that would work?.” James said, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at Loki. He had calmed considerably since his arrival to the apartment. 

"What do you want me to do, it’s practically our only option?" Loki asked calmly. He took a deep breath and placed his hand on James's forehead. Despite their earlier touch, James jerked up. He stood and looked away from Loki into the hallway that led to his bedroom. 

"I want you to not exist." James sighed.

"Like this?" Loki said. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt his body stretch like clay. When they were children, Frigga had encouraged Loki and Thor to be well rounded, making them at least watch her make a flower pot for her enormous garden. Thor obviously got bored quickly. Loki, however, was fascinated by how the clay so effortlessly changed under his mother's fingers. He would spend hours creating lopsided pots and bowls, he delighted in the feeling of the clay moving under his fingers. He got the same joy when the green streams of his seider flowed under his fingers, it had much the same feeling to the clay. Eventually Loki progressed to making small figures. Sometimes, he would imbue his figure with a tiny portion of his magic. Then, they would walk around and do circus tricks like somersaults or cartwheels around the palace. But, like with everything else he ruined, Thor delighted in doing so. He never got tired of stomping Loki's creature under his boot.

Loki heard a soft rustling of his cotton shirt and he again was Valoryie. He opened his eyes and looked up at James. James stared at her with bug eyes, walked into his kitchen, pulled open a cabinet, and took out a glass bottle of amber liquid. He closed that cabinet, pulled open another cabinet, and took down a glass from a shelf. He poured the liquid from the bottle into the glass, filling it to the top. He slugged down the entire glass and took a breath. "What in the Hell?"

Loki shifted back into his normal form, this sudden change was obviously bringing James discomfort. "To answer your question, no. I’m not entirely sure it would work. The only other time I’ve dealt with something like this was a parasitic personality, and that wasn’t even capable of speech. However, due to the fact that he can have full-conversations, even if they happen to be boring ones, points to Winter being in it for the long run.” Loki paused to take a breath and ponder what he wanted to let slip. “How much do you know about other worlds?" is what he settled on, Loki tilted his head with inquisitiveness. James paled and leaned against the counter. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, James turned to Loki and sighed.

"A lot has happened today,” he said, glancing at the clock on his oven. It was nearing nine, and he felt so tired. His hand ached from the locker earlier that afternoon. James struggled to remember where he had seen that face before, then it clicked. The piercing green eyes flashed in his memory, and James had a revelation. This persona was the barista from the day he felt Winter overcome him in the alley way. He rubbed the bruise, the afternoon felt like ages ago, and what he had done weighed on him, more so than any other night before. James _already_ had trouble sleeping, remembering all the people lying six feet deep because of him, brain washed or not, kept him staring at the ceiling until the earliest hours of the morning, at which point his body's need for sleep took over. His head ached with all the info dumped on him that day, not that he didn’t already know that Winter was a murderous bastard, that was what the man was created for. But James didn’t have the foggiest clue why Winter had taken Loki. If he was a threat, he would be dead, as insensitive as that sounded, and if he needed a warning, he wouldn’t be in the apartment. The extra detail stuck out like the ache in James’ hand. _Why was Loki in the apartment?_ The knowledge that he, even if it was just his body and not his mind, had killed so many people already haunted him. Now, he had the awful knowledge that he still had a reason to be active. The last time that Winter had needed to front was when he had been mugged, his fault really for living in such a shady part of town, but that was months ago. Unless he had been active without James’ knowledge. Thinking of it now, he remembered a couple nights waking up in his bed when his room was more disheveled then he left it when he went to sleep. His head ached even more with the possibility that he was losing control again. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus back on the topic at hand. The whiskey was starting to take effect, and not in the way James had intended it to. "Maybe it's time to call it a night and you can explain it in the morning." He said. He needed to lie down or he was going to pass out.

"Perhaps that is for the best. It's never best to learn with a tired mind" supposed Loki, putting a finger to his chin in thought. James heaved up from the counter and turned to Loki, dark circles evident under his eyes.

"Goodnight" he said, throwing his hand up and trodding into the bedroom. He rubbed his head, and as he readied himself for bed, continued to think about all the times he couldn’t remember certain details. There was no way he was going to sleep at all tonight. Worse than usual, he now also had a big fat reminder of his helplessness limping around in front of him.

"Yes, goodnight" Loki said dismissively. He watched James retreat into his bedroom and shut the door. He bit his lip. James was like a helpless lamb, not usually Loki's type, but then again, Loki had resorted to not having a type as a result of being shunned by his community. Not many people wanted to be caught in bed with a fallen prince. Not that it much mattered, James had his own problems to deal with, and he probably didn't need Loki to complicate things. As was life, no one, it seemed, had ever had time to deal with Loki. Loki sighed and pushed those feelings aside. His own problems were something he would have to deal with later when he didn’t face the immediate danger of being off-ed in his sleep. Loki scoffed, now that he thought about it, he was always in danger of being killed in his sleep, it was just as likely on Asgard as it was on Midgard in this very apartment. 

Loki hopped back into his room and shut the door. He sat on his bed and winced. The pain in his knee flared and he bit down a whimper. He didn't know how thin the walls were, and he didn't want to show a sign of weakness to either of the personalities residing just down the hall. James was overcome with guilt as it was, and Winter, Winter was the alpha that Loki didn't want to show weakness to for fear of eating him alive. He didn’t have to wait long to get his answer, because as he laid down to try to sleep, he heard James cry out in his room down the hall.


	7. Fighting a Righteous Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Homophobia and V!olence

That night, despite the claim that he wouldn’t sleep, James had a nightmare. This was normal for him, but his nightmares usually involved watching himself in the third person. This time, he was on a small ship, both he and Winter were fighting for control over a ship’s wheel in a stormy sea. James lost control and was flung to the deck, but, as he started to dismay, Winter fell to the ground, and behind him was Loki with a bat. “I’m right here James” said Loki, softly touching the side of his face. When he awoke, James swore he felt the chill of Loki’s hand still on his face.

Down the hall, Loki woke up smiling. One of his favorite ways to mess with people was entering their dreams. The dream itself wasn’t affected, but Loki didn’t know what James’ dreams were usually like. Similarly to James waking up with the chill of a hand on his face, Loki still felt the stubble from James’ chin, the warmth that radiated from him like a furnace, and the softness of the hair that fell over his face. Loki sighed and closed his eyes. He was inevitably having feelings for this mortal. This was an inconvenience he had been hoping to avoid. He had prepared himself for feeling something for Stark, the chance that he would develop feelings other than disgust or necessity was something he was aware of, so he had steeled himself against them. This one however, had his heart beating slightly faster than it was meant to. Loki sighed once more and opened his eyes, he smelled something sweet wafting down the hallway. He turned his head to the large window filling the room with light, and noticed something propped against the wall. It looked like a walking stick, but the top was curved and had what looked to be a plastic top. He got out of bed as carefully as possible. On the chair, there was a shirt and a pair of jeans. He undressed, and paused for a moment to admire his reflection in the small mirror above the desk. He was quite handsome; his pale white skin stood out from the dark browns and blues in the room, and his piercing green eyes were staring back at him as he admired himself. He pulled on the shirt and stopped in his tracks when he saw a pair of underwear sitting with the rest of the clothes. They looked similar to his shorts, but were made of a tight, stretchy, material. The waistband said “Hanes” and Loki pondered this name. He finished getting dressed, and put on the jeans. He used the odd walking stick to limp into the main room, where he found James making breakfast. 

“Good morning!” James said as he whipped something in a bowl. He was wearing a normal graphic t-shirt with faded lettering and similarly faded jeans. He was ecstatic, the polar opposite of the night before. Loki wondered if his dream had anything to do with it. Loki smiled. He glanced down at the table. There were plates set out, with a stack of dough circles on a tray in the middle. Loki sat in one of the two chairs and gazed up at James. “Dig in!” he said, gesturing to the things in the center. Loki tilted his head and furrowed his brow. “What, you’ve never had pancakes?” asked James. Loki shook his head and used a fork to move one to his plate. This was his first real meal Loki could actually eat since his shackles were put on. Annoyingly, once he was too far from Asgard, the only thing the shackles did was limit his power. The only way he’d been able to not starve to death was smoothies. Another thing they didn’t have on Asgard. However, Loki was never afraid to try new things. He cut a small piece off his pancake and moved it to his mouth, looking back at James, who was waiting expectantly. Loki put it into his mouth and practically moaned. The soft dough melted in his mouth, and the ‘pancake’ as James had called it, was softer than anything Loki had ever eaten. He was used to meaty breakfast accompanied with fruit. There was never something as sweet unless it was a sweet-ham, and even that didn’t hold a candle to the decadence inside Loki’s mouth. His eyes almost rolled back in his head.

“That good huh?” came James’ voice again. Loki opened his eyes. James had set down the bowl and was now sitting in the chair next to Loki. “Here, try this” he said, and dipped a spoon into the bowl, pulling it out covered in white cream. He dabbed some onto Loki’s plate, and Loki dipped his finger into it. It formed a stiff peak on his finger, and he put it into his mouth and sucked on it. If those pancakes were decadence, whatever this was sent him to Valhalla and back. “That’s whipped cream,” James said. Loki pushed himself away from the table and almost knocked James over with a kiss. This man, despite his commanding other personality, had shown him nothing but kindness. Loki wrapped his arms around James’ shoulders and kissed him deeply. No one in his whole life, besides his mother, had ever shown him any kindness. James stood stock still, not engaging the embrace, but not actively choosing to leave it. Satisfied, Loki pulled away and wiped his mouth. Loki pulled down another pancake and ate it while James sat and stared wide eyed. 

Loki believed in taking care of things in an efficient and timely manner. He knew he had feelings for James, and he had thought that his abrupt kiss would satisfy that craving. It did not. If anything, he only longed for James even more. He tamped those feelings down and attempted to swallow them with that last few bites of his pancake. As he stood from the table, he gazed over at James again, who was still sitting in shock at what Loki had done. As he placed his plate into the sink, he spoke for the first time that morning. “If you want to learn about my home planet I suggest moving to the couch, as it is quite a long story, and these chairs are quite uncomfortable.” James nodded and rose from the seat, gliding, as if in a trance, to the couch. Loki searched around and found the glass cabinet that James had been in the night before. He grabbed a glass and filled it at the tap. He took a swig of the water, and, using what he now recognized as a cane, Loki staggered over to the couch. 

* * *

Loki was right of course. He always was. His story about Asgard took twice as long because he realized that James knew very little about Midgard, and the addition of a second planet inhabited by intelligent beings absolutely stunned him. Loki withheld the part of his story that was about his true heritage, as he thought unraveling the tale of the nine-realms would kill poor James with shock. “Do I need to repeat myself darling?” Loki asked. 

“I- I- No.” James shook his head. He looked back up at Loki. “You know, one would think I would know more as a spy, not so.” he ran a hand through his hair and groaned. “I swear I’m not usually this person” he said, pushing himself from the couch and walking back into the kitchen. He repeated his actions from the night before, pulling open a cabinet, and taking out a glass bottle of amber liquid. He closed that cabinet, pulled open another cabinet, and took down a glass from a shelf. He poured the liquid from the bottle into the glass, filling it only halfway this time. James winced at his drink. He held it out to Loki as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Whiskey?” 

“No thanks, I only drink at night” Judging by his wince, Loki had assumed that this was another drink that he hadn’t heard of before. James capped the glass bottle and returned it to the cabinet. James pulled his hair into a bun, and Loki admired the hard turn of James’ jawline. Something tickled Loki’s heart, and he pretended not to feel it. 

“Sorry to break this up, but I still have a job” James said sarcastically. He dusted off his jeans and straightened his shirt before stepping into Loki’s room. “I’ll be in here for a while, so feel free to watch TV if you want.” James suggested before ducking his head into the room. After a couple minutes or so, Loki heard him talking to someone, but he didn’t hear the other side of the conversation. He dug around for the remote to the TV and flipped it on, immediately turning down the volume to make sure he wasn’t a nuisance to James. The box glowed to life with sizzle, and was on an infomercial channel. Loki recognized this sort of stuff from Starbucks. As someone that couldn’t work register, one of her designated tasks was changing the TV when an AD would come on. Her manager didn’t want other brands to be promoted while customers were there. Loki flipped through the channels before finding a close-up shot of Tony Stark and stopped. The station droned on about the deal Stark just accomplished, and Loki couldn’t help but assume that this was the deal Stark was talking about when they were talking on the balcony. The reason the party was hosted in the first place. Not that Tony Stark wouldn’t just throw a party for no reason, from what Loki had learned during his short time on Earth, Stark leaped at any chance to drink excessively and meet new women. 

  
  


When James reemerged from the room, Loki was dozing softy on the couch. An expose of some or other celebrity was on, and Loki was sound asleep. James wondered what kind of things Loki dreamed about. He studied Loki’s sleeping face, admiring the softness of his calm features as he slept. There was no mask of sarcasm or malice on his face, Loki was purely tired out. He glanced at the ace bandage on Loki’s knee, and cringed, the repercussions of his actions were sleeping peacefully right in front of him. They should probably see a medical doctor. What little info he knew about treating a wound was exhausted on the gauze and ace bandage Winter had put on Loki. He knew of a good ExpressMed with doctors that didn’t ask too many questions. James pulled the blanket off of the bed and draped it around Loki. If they were going out, James would need a disguise better than his normal one because they were going to be interacting with wider society. Such special occasions excited and scared James. On one hand, he was participating with society again like a normal person, but on the other, he had a crippling fear of being discovered. He went to get changed as Loki snoozed. 

Loki woke in a cold sweat. He had a vivid nightmare about going on yet another stupid adventure with his brother, and dying yet again. This time though, he was impaled on a spear that he had used to wound an enemy. He felt himself bleed out and his body go numb and cold. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, though, Loki’s dreams never were. He had lived several lifetimes of awful things that haunted him in his dreams. He took a deep breath and tried to ground himself in the current moment. He saw a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, he saw the dark television, he saw the open door to his room, and subsequently the empty room, he saw the glass of water sitting on the table. He felt the softness of his blanket, the way it cradled him, he felt the sweat on his face from his dream, he felt the remote still pressed into his hand. He heard the sound of his arm brushing against the blanket, and the way his hair swished around his head,  _ ugh he needed to bathe soon,  _ and the rustling sound coming from James’ room. He smelled a soft odor of pine emanating from everyplace that James had touched, and he picked up on the slightly sweet smell of soap coming from the bathroom.  _ James must have showered recently _ . Loki thought. Finally, he tasted the lingering pancakes from that morning. As Loki finished grounding himself, James walked into the main room, and Loki felt his heart jump into his throat. James was wearing a wide, pale yellow, pleated skirt that fell below his knees, a yellow blazer and a white shirt underneath. Loki was absolutely speechless. James looked amazing. He knew that his mouth was hanging open, it felt like it touched the floor. James blushed. That drew Loki’s attention to his face. His hair was curled slightly, reminiscent of the way Loki’s hair curled at the end. “What -uh, what’s um, what’s the occasion?” Loki stammered. 

“I needed a disguise,” James explained.

“For what?” inquired Loki.

“We’re going out.” James said, walking to put on a pair of shoes by the door. Loki sat up, letting the blanket fall away from him as he strood over to stand next to James. “Here, take this coat, you’re going to need a disguise too.” said James, rifling through a closet, and handing Loki a thick coat over his shoulder. A green sparkling wave passed over Loki and he was now Valoriye. James turned around and froze. “I- uh. Could you maybe not? I have anxiety as it is.. And um. “ Loki nodded and thought for a moment.

“Maybe something like this?” he said, his magic making him look more like himself, but with broader shoulders, shorter hair, and slightly more soft around the waistline. He had tried to look as much like himself as possible, but he was trying to avoid being recognized. 

“I need your knee to stay the same, we’re going to a doctor. To my knowledge, Winter didn’t suddenly become a doctor.” James finally said, after a moment of hesitation. Loki was shocked, not at the fact that Winter wasn’t a doctor, he knew that, but that he was going to interact with wider society. Loki shook off his surprise and pulled on his shoes. 

* * *

  
“I miss the days when your kind was ostracized, you fucking queer” came a gruff voice from the street as they passed. They had only been walking for ten minutes, and already Loki was frustrated with the outside world. James kept his head down and continued walking, but Loki whipped around on his heels. There was a scruffy old man with gray hair, and a beard that was as disheveled as he was. He had on a dirty tank top and musty shorts. Loki was nearly knocked off his feet with the stench of alcohol radiating off of the man. He practically  _ was _ knocked over when the man rushed past him to grab James by the shoulder. James froze, his eyes going wide, as the man brought his face closer to James’ “Fine, if you won’t listen, I’ll make you listen ” and he swung his fist down to meet James’ face before Loki could stop him. Likewise, before the man could take another breath, he was on the ground. He gasped for air as Loki shoved him down, who then materialized a knife behind his back. Loki whipped it out from behind his back and held it to the man’s chest, and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Don’t you  _ ever _ do that again. To anyone. Or I personally will hunt you down and kill you slowly and painfully.” Loki said through gritted teeth, pushing the tip of his razor-sharp knife against his chest. “Do you hear me?” The man nodded in a panic, and Loki slapped him hard across the face with an open palm. “Do you understand me?!” The man gulped. Loki raised his hand to slap him again, but he felt a firm grip on his wrist preventing him from moving his hand. He looked up and the man scrambled away. The face to which he looked up at was hard and square, like a frozen lake. Loki rolled back his shoulders and got up from the ground. The manner in which he watched Loki wince from the pain in his knee, and didn’t lean down to help him up told him exactly who this was. 

“I presume it’s Winter I'm looking at right now?” Loki said. Winter huffed and nodded briskly. He put his arm around Loki’s and continued walking at a fast pace. As they neared a small convenience store, Winter stopped abruptly. 

“Just so you know, I advised against James doing this. This wasn’t the first time, and unfortunately, probably won’t be the last.” he tugged at the hem of the skirt, smoothing it out when he seemed satisfied. “I also really hate skirts. They’re not very practical.” He dug around in a blazer pocket, and upon finding a dollar, turned back to Loki and sighed. “This, this one's on me. I guess years of being in a cryo-pod in an underground facility still don’t erase cravings.” he said as he climbed the few steps in front of the convenience store, he turned to Loki again and made one last remark; “If it was up to me, we wouldn’t even be here. You’re  **_fine_ ** .” he turned back to the door, swung it open, and stepped inside. Through the glass storefront, he watched as Winter went up to the counter, pointed at something on the wall, handed the cashier the money, and approached the door once more. Loki darted his eyes around the street for more threats, but he saw nothing except the sky growing slowly darker, and cars starting to flip on lights as they passed through a section of road without street lights. Loki watched as Winter opened a small box, took out a paper tube and a small plastic lighter that was neon yellow. He scoffed when the lighter failed to light after several attempts, and, using his other hand to shield his actions to passersby, he created a small flame on his finger and held it out to Winter. Winter raised his eyebrows slightly, but stuck the end of the paper object into the green fire, lighting it. Loki blew out the flame dancing on his fingertip, this was for dramatic effect, he could have willed it away, but he wanted to show off. Winter put his lips to the end, and inhaled, he coughed slightly, and and leaned back, resting his head against the wall. He exhaled, and a puff of smoke exited his lips. Loki recognized what this was now, some of his co-workers had needed ‘cigarette breaks’ and had asked Loki to cover. Winter closed his eyes, seemingly trying to linger in this moment. “One last thing.” He said, keeping his eyes closed. “It’s always dark when I’m out, call that what you will, but I wish I could see the sun again. I know I’m a good shot, but I’ll lose practice if I don’t train in other conditions.” He brought the cigarette to his lips again, holding in the smoke for longer, before exhaling. Then, as if he just realized what was happening, he threw the cigarette to the ground and stomped it out.

“Goddammit Winter.” Loki guessed that this was James, as he seemed to be vehemently stomping the cigarette. “Fuck me” James groaned, as he rubbed his face, Loki peered at his face with more detail now, noticing that a black and purple ring was starting to form around James’ left eye. “I guess this is what I get for trying to have some fun with my life.” James said, as he ran his fingers through his hair. Loki chuckled and James smiled. His smile was that of a soft, half-hearted grin, and watery eyes. 

“I think it’s best if we head back, and try again some other time.” Loki suggested. James nodded and rubbed his eye once more. The sky was rapidly turning gray, and James started to look worried. They hurried back to the apartment complex, and as they made it to the front door, the sky opened up, and it started pouring rain. The downpour made Loki think about his brother.  _ I wonder what he is doing right now? _ He thought. Loki was looking around the lobby, deep in thought, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned back around to James, and was surprised when James’ hand went around the side of his head and pulled him into a kiss. Loki smelled coffee and a bit of pine emanating off of James. Loki softened his stance, and fell into the kiss. This was the nicest thing he had ever experienced, and he wanted to stay there forever, surrounded by the sweet scent of coffee, and in the arms of a person who, at the very least, cared for him. 

James pulled away and looked Loki in the eyes for a few moments. 

“Thank you for defending me.” James laughed in a pained way and rubbed his face. “Hell, I haven’t gotten in a fight like that since the forties. It’s always murder murder kill kill” This time, Loki burst out laughing, and James looked slightly offended. Loki put a hand on James’ shoulder as he doubled over with laughter, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you I swear, which, if you knew me, is a change. No, I was laughing because I don’t think I’ve ever heard it described as ‘murder murder kill kill’ I can relate though, like I said when I explained my home planet, wars and battles are common.” Loki wiped the tears from his eyes and hugged James tightly. Lowering his head to James’ ear he said; “Thank you for that, I haven’t laughed like that in decades.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, Did you guys know that James is 5'7" and Loki is 6'4". Because I do now. By the way, sometimes things are written to be cringe, even I cringe at them. (I'm looking at you paragraph 4) Also, without being unnecessarily descriptive, the reason I mentioned the underwear was to say that James wears exclusively boxer briefs. (coughs in Mother Mother) That's enough of me. See you on Monday!


	8. Justification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it midnight where I am? Yes.  
> Am I still going to Post? Yes  
> Enjoy

They didn’t talk about It.

Not that they had much of a chance to, because James dove headfirst into his work, just to avoid talking. James was never much of a touchy feely guy, not even to begin with. Sure, from time to time he would offer to do a nice thing to comfort some hurt or sad people, but it never felt like this. He never felt mushy. Sure, he had pined for Steve in the 40’s, but that kind of thing was illegal then. Even now, James wasn’t sure how Steve would feel were he to confess his feelings. The first word that came to mind was embarrassed, Steve had always been so protective of his image. Now, James was drowning in a pool he couldn't get out of. He shook his head, realizing that he had been staring into his computer doing nothing for 15 minutes. His head felt foggy, with hallways expanding into the abyss. Some that were locked, and some that he chose not to enter. He typed out a few more things on his computer, eventually giving up and closing it. He couldn’t keep going, he was too distracted. He picked up the laptop and wandered back into the hall. Once again, Loki was snoozing on the couch.  _ We really need to see a doctor. _ Thought James as he sat down next to Loki. This man was, from what he understood, a god, and he had fallen asleep on the couch everyday for the past week. Or maybe it wasn’t for medical reasons, as James started to notice Loki furrowing his brow, and started to sweat profusely. His breaths were quick and shallow, and he was starting to jerk around in his sleep. James snapped out of his stupor, and grabbed Loki’s shoulders and started to rock him back and forth gently. Loki cried out in pain, and James put his hand on Loki’s back. “You’re okay, you’re here, it’s not real” James had had anxiety attacks before, and they were certainly awful, but nothing as bad as this. James wondered at the horrors lurking in Loki’s mind, and for once, was grateful for Winter’s existence. James put his arms around Loki and continued to rock back and forth slowly, trying to ease Loki into consciousness. Loki’s breath progressively became deeper and deeper, and his muscles relaxed. Loki breathed into James’ neck, and James blushed, the hairs on his neck stood on end, and he looked down at Loki. He still had his eyes closed, but was much calmer. “You get nightmares too huh?” he said, looking straight ahead at the wall. Loki sighed and James tried not to start smiling. 

“Mm” was all Loki said in response. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly. 

“I think you need a therapist more than a doctor.” said James with a laugh. 

“I am fine by myself thank you.” Loki said, pulling back to sit straight up. James laughed again, tilted his head down to look into his lap, and shook his head.

“I was launched from a moving train, was brainwashed, had my arm replaced, and was forced to carry out awful missions for horrible people. The only reason I get through my day is because I’m missing half of my memories. I am experienced in trauma, I know what I’m talking about.” 

“Well, I have you don’t I?” James finally allowed himself to blush. He pursed his lips and ran a hand through his hair. 

“I- ha.” James froze. He didn’t know what to say besides; “Wanna get some coffee?” they had kissed twice but hadn’t yet gone on a real date. 

“That sounds delightful. But this time, let me pick the disguises?” James nodded. Loki reached out and placed a hand to James’ chest, a green wave of sparkling magic radiating outwards. The feeling of being changed by Hydra made him feel like a block of ice that the nazis were turning into a statue. Being changed by Loki felt like cracking his knuckles, a momentary feeling of discomfort, then, nothing. He looked down at his hands, they were less calloused, and slightly smaller. The rest of him looked younger too, and that made him nostalgic for before the war. He closed his eyes and imagined it, a time when he had both of his arms, only one person in his head, and the only fight he had to worry about was the next one Steve was getting into. He felt a small pulse of warmth next to him. Opening his eyes, he saw Loki, but now his,  _ or her _ hair was shock white, her eyes an icy blue, and she was wearing a flowy blue dress that went to mid-calf. Now it was James’ turn to be stunned. 

“Don’t you already have another identity?” James asked, befuddled. 

“Yeah, but if we’re getting coffee, I don’t want to get recognized.” Loki said. 

* * *

They walked hand in hand down the street, but when it came time to turn down the street to Starbucks, James kept going. “The turn is that way darling.” Loki chided. James smirked and shook his head. He wanted her to see something authentic, something that made him proud to be a New Yorker. They kept walking for 10 more minutes, eventually coming upon a small coffee shop in a less busy part of the city. 

“I wanted to show you one of my favorite shops. It’s run by a columbian family, and, they know me, so I need you to-” he held out his hands and gestured to his body. Loki touched her hand to James’ face and he felt that knuckle-snap sensation, and then he was himself again. He rolled his neck, shook his head slightly, then smiled widely. He pulled open the door to the coffee shop and a small bell above the door dinged. Loki hurried in behind James, looking very skittish. James took a second to really take in the scent of the shop. The smell of roasted beans was much more authentic than at Starbucks. There was a warmness to the place that made it feel so cozy. 

“¡Ah, James! Qué gusto verte de nuevo. Has estado fuera durante bastante tiempo.” [ _ Ah, James! Nice to see you again. You have been away for quite some time. _ ] Said the shop owner, coming from a backroom, drying his hands with a towel. “Veo que esta vez has traído a una chica. ¿Quién es la afortunada?” [ _ I see you've brought a girl with you this time. Who 's the lucky lady? _ ] 

“Esto es…” [ _ This is…]  _ James nudged Loki with an elbow. Loki glanced up, looking as if she was just entering the conversation. 

“¿Oh yo? Mi nombre es Angélica. Encantada de conocerte” [ _Oh, Me? My name is Angelica. Nice to meet you_ ] Loki stuck out her hand for the owner to shake. The owner looked taken aback by her flawless spanish, even James looked shocked. He blinked a few times, and then proceeded with his order. When his coffees were finished, he handed one to Loki and took a small sip of his. A shot of electricity flowed through him and he shook his head. Loki took a sip of hers and looked like she was in heaven. They both walked towards the door, and James held it open for her. “That good huh?” Loki nodded and took another sip. He had ordered her his favorite, an iced mocha. They walked past a park and James steered them both towards a shady spot hidden amongst the trees. He sat down on the ground and looked up at Loki, patting the ground next to him. Loki sat and continued drinking her coffee. James tried to bask in the moment before saying;

“There’s 5 shots of espresso in this cup. That will put enough adrenaline in my system to kick up ol’ you know who. Hold me down, I want to know  _ why _ ” Loki looked at him in shock. This was the last thing she had expected James would want. Loki stared at James with wide eyes. 

“Are- are you sure? She said. James nodded, but even he started to turn pale. “Why now? Why here?”

“If we do it in public, less likely he’ll make a scene, he’s,  _ rash,  _ aggressive even, but not stupid. I do worry though, for your sake, he may try to kill you again. I say  _ try _ , but well…” he trailed off, but Loki knew what he meant. “The only reason he brought you to the apartment was to pump you for information, but  _ why  _ he did  _ that _ ,” He stretched out his arms to indicate the scene around him. “Is what I want to know.” he sighed, then chuckled slightly. “Don’t die okay?” he said with a smile. 

“I have to,” Loki’s glamour vanished and he shook off the remains of the magic. He cracked his knuckles and nodded at James. James sighed deeply and chugged his whole coffee without breath. Loki put his hands around James’ wrists, and there appeared some cuffs keeping him on the ground, and James looked relieved that Loki had some way to protect himself. But Loki didn’t stop there, he put his hands to the ground, and a shimmering bubble appeared and then disappeared. They were now invisible to those that weren’t actively searching for them. He looked back over at James, who was breathing hard and fast. Then, all of a sudden, it slowed. He took calm and easy breaths. He looked back at his hands and pulled. 

“Why were you following me?” Loki asked desperately, this much drain on his power, combined with his wound was making him weary by the second. Winter ignored him and tugged at the restraints again. “ _ WHY?”  _ Loki said again, he was almost ready to pass out. Winter smirked at him 

  
  


“You fell out of the sky. You have to admit that’s suspicious. But no, I suppose you want to know why I shot you hm? At the party, you were the only mouse in a room full of snakes,” Winter said. “And I was the venom.” Loki looked at Winter with confusion. The only thing he could remember about the guests at the party were that they were all old white men. 

“Ask James about a little thing called Hydra. He knows what it means.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know?  
> "Lemonpoundcake? Where's the plot movement?!"  
> It's coming I promise!  
> "Why do you hurt our precious boys so much??"  
> :)


	9. Where To Go From Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot Movement? What? I know, I know.   
> Also, a comment on my last chapter brought up an excellent point on the fast paced nature of the relationship. So I fixed it! Please, feel free to leave constructive criticism, but only if you think it will help in future chapters, I'm not going to edit past chapters, Thanks!

Winter started to laugh. Short, mostly puffs of laughter that turned into loud, booming laughs. Loki started to feel dizzy. He had been able to stave off the pain of his injury using his magic, but now, he was using it all to conceal them. The pain hit him in waves and he blinked hard. The sound of Winter’s laughter made his head pound. He blinked hard again, then, in a rush, he was on top of Winter, with his hands over his mouth. The last of his power draining, the chains were starting to flicker, as was the bubble of silence around them. He pressed down on Winter’s mouth, trying to muffle the sound of his laughter. Winter looked maliciously into Loki’s eyes, and Loki was certain that if he wasn’t holding Winter down, he would be dead at that moment. Finally, Winter’s eyes softened and glanced quickly around at their surroundings. He looked back up at Loki, who, upon using up the last of his energy  _ and _ magic, collapsed to the ground. 

James gasped and got to his knees, rolling Loki over so that he faced the sun. He was wheezing, and couldn’t get in a full breath. His brow was furrowed, and James couldn’t tell if he was unconscious or simply had his eyes shut. Regardless, James scooped him up, and slung Loki’s arm around his shoulder, pulling him to his feet, when Loki remained limp, James sighed and heaved Loki over his shoulder. He imagined that this was most likely how he was transported to his apartment in the first place, and that thought left a sour taste in his mouth. He knew the way to ExpressMed, and tried to move as quickly as he could without jostling Loki too much. He rushed into the building, his heart was pounding, and he could hear the blood in his ears. He was so afraid Loki was going to die, that he didn’t even have the brain-space to worry about being recognized. He sat Loki in a chair and went up to the counter.

* * *

  
  


Loki came to in an odd, hard bed, with his feet dangling off the end. He blinked lazily, trying to understand where he was, it smelled like the chemicals he had used to clean the tables at Starbucks. He blinked hard once more, gazing around the room. He saw a cabinet, a sink, and two cars with cotton inside. He spotted James with his head in his hands, looking down at the floor, Loki couldn’t tell if he was awake or not so he shifted himself into a more comfortable sitting position, and looked over at James once more. He cleared his throat, “Turns out, the best way to get good sleep is physical and emotional burnout.” James' head shot up and he sighed with relief. Loki chuckled. “Surely you weren't  _ that  _ concerned. I am a god after all.” Loki hid it well, but secretly, he was glad that James had worried about him. It had been a very long time since a person had worried about  _ him _ and not his actions. He cracked a small smile, but was then distracted by an idle pain in his knee. It had fresh white bandages, and the wound felt much better than it had previously, when he was suppressing it before in James’ apartment, he could still always feel it, like a small itch at the back of his head. Now, he felt a real itch, coming from under his bandage. He idly scratched at it, and looked up at the ceiling. It had the most fascinating series of patterns. “What’s Hydra?” Loki said absent-mindedly. James froze, his breath caught in his chest and he started to pale. 

“Wh- Why do you ask? Did Winter say something to you?” 

“He did, though not much.” Loki replied. “He said that I was a mouse in a room full of snakes in reference to the party. Now, I can piece together that whatever Hydra is, was at that party, but I don’t know what Hydra  _ is _ .” James looked around and down the hall. 

“Let’s go back to the apartment. The walls might have ears” Loki thought that this statement was preposterous, walls, the walls didn’t have ears, but he still understood the meaning, closing his mouth and nodding. He sat on the side of the bed, and hesitated a moment before getting up. James was right there, and had his arms outstretched in case Loki fell. Loki pushed himself to his feet and wobbled, stabilizing himself on the chair. He took a cursory step forward, and fell right into James’ waiting arms. Loki blushed, trying to hide his face from James’ he turned away, straightening to his full height. He noticed now, that James was significantly shorter than he was, and he stifled a laugh. He took another step, but his bad leg gave out, and he fell again, this time sitting himself on the chair before he could reach the ground.

“I meant to do that.” Loki said, embarrassed. He had never been this weak before, and his fragility frightened him.

“Sure you did sweetheart.” James rolled his eyes and bent down. He reached under Loki’s arms and pulled him up, then, he swung one arm over his shoulder, and they made their way down the hall. Once they reached the front desk, James rested Loki against the wall, and did some paperwork on a clipboard handed to him by a nurse. As he filled out the paperwork, Loki examined the waiting room. There were sick children, old couples, bleeding teens, and an assortment of other people, all seeking treatment. Loki reflected on his actions that brought him here, the good and the bad, and wondered if life like this was something he would enjoy. If a domestic life between him and James would be something he could do. Had he been asked if he would enjoy living his life in Midgard when he was young, he would have scoffed at the question. “Never.” he  _ would _ have said. Now though, it was something he could get used to, but a simple fact pulled at his heart.  _ James would be long dead before Loki finally made his journey to Hel.  _ That steeled Loki’s heart, and put ice in his already frosty veins. He grit his teeth and tried to forget, turning back to James as he finished the work on the clipboard. “Ready to go?” Loki nodded, wrenching himself from the wall, and James pushed a pair of crutches into his hands. “I would carry you, it’s been quite a day, but you would rather walk I assume.” Loki pursed his lips and nodded his head. Loki would  _ prefer _ walking, but he had used a significant amount of seider, and needed to recuperate. 

* * *

  
  
  


They were almost to the apartment, Loki could  _ see _ it in the distance, when he made a miscalculation with his crutches and headed face first to the pavement. At the last second, James wrapped his arms around Loki’s midsection, and saved him from a serious ego bruise. Not for long though, because, with a “hup” James lifted Loki to his shoulder, and scooped up the crutches from the ground. Loki swatted at James’ back with his palms, but otherwise, didn’t mind the ride. If any of his family saw him, he would no doubt be mocked relentlessly, but here, just the two of them on a darkening street, Loki enjoyed relaxing for once. Loki sighed and let his arms and legs hang loose. 

“I’m quite the pitiful one aren’t I. I used to ride into battle atop a noble steed, and kill hundreds of orcs with just a snap of my fingers. Now look at me, I can’t even walk.” James chuckled, and Loki lifted his head to look at James.

“If it makes you feel better, consider me your noble steed, and my apartment, the battle field.” James said as they came upon the apartment doors. He put Loki down and Loki quickly brushed himself off. 

I’m mortified, I'll have you know.” Loki said, crutching his way through the doors as James held them open. They made their way into the elevator, and James pressed the button for his floor. Walking down the hallway to his apartment, Loki noticed the colors of the rug for the first time. Green, gold, and red, how very regal, they reminded him of the palace on Asgard, lots of gold in that place, how boring. Loki admitted that he enjoyed his fair share of gold, but too much of any one color bored him quickly. That’s why he tried to use as much green as possible, to make the place more interesting. James turned the key in the lock, and the door opened with a click. Both he and Loki sagged into the couch. 

James was experiencing the worst caffeine crash ever, and his head hurt slightly. He rubbed his forehead, and reluctantly got off his couch to fetch some aspirin from the bathroom. “Tell me about what Winter said.” James asks, shaking two pills into his hand from a bottle. Loki combed his hair back with his fingers and exhaled. 

“Like I said, he claimed I was a mouse in a room full of snakes, and he was the venom. He must have known I was confused, because that’s when he told me to ask you about Hydra. Then he started to laugh.” James had stopped in the middle of taking his pills, and he swallowed the water caught in his throat. He turned back to Loki, and came back to the living room, taking a seat on the chair facing Loki. 

“I guess It’s my turn to have a long-winded explanation of something.” He chuckled, mostly to himself, and started to explain that Hydra was a Nazi organization bent on making the world ‘perfect’ and by that, he meant all white, with no health issues, and no diversity. “If that means what I think it means,” James paused and thought for a moment “then Tony Stark just made a deal with Hydra, and we can only hope it was an accident.” Loki noticed striking similarities between this “Hydra” and what he was sent to Earth to do by Thanos. 

“Huh, reminds me of me in a way.” James went wide eyed, and started to push himself the furthest he could from Loki. Loki scoffed, and put his hand under James’ chin and pulled it up. “No, no, not like that darling. My former jailer sent me here to eradicate free will.” he tilted his head and removed his hand from James’ chin. “I suppose that’s what we have in common. We were sent by people we hated to do something we hated more.” Loki, at that moment, decided that he would be more alluring if he didn’t smell. So, having this thought so abruptly, he got up from the couch, and, propping himself up on his crutches, turned back to James with a curt turn, “Now, I need to go bathe.” He hopped along down the hall and into the bathroom. As he turned to close the door, he took a small glance at James, who remained on the couch, unmoving from the position Loki had left him in. He shut the door with a resolute  _ THUD _ , and turned to the tap. Loki  _ knew _ how to use a human shower, he had to when he came to earth the first time. That didn’t make up for the fact that he had no idea how to turn on James’ shower. His cheeks burned red with embarrassment, and he leaded ever so slightly back out in the hallway, but the door gave him away with a small creek on its old hinges. “I-”

“Need help with the shower? I figured as much.” James pushed himself off the couch with a small laugh and walked over to join Loki in the bathroom. It was a tight fit as James squeezed past Loki to lean over the faucet. Loki watched as he pulled back the shower curtain, but then gasped in surprise when James took Loki’s hand in his and moved them over to a knob on the wall. “Here, let me show you.” he said, placing Loki’s hand on the knob, then twisting, his rough, calloused hands rubbing against the smooth skin of Loki’s. Loki marveled at how James could be so delicate, yet his hands were so rough to the touch. Occupied with his thoughts, he didn’t notice when James started to rifle through a closet. Evidently finding something he wanted, he straightened back up, placing a small bottle of Shampoo and Conditioner in Loki’s hands. It was scented with oak and teak wood, which is where Loki assumed he got the pine smell that he had remembered from their embrace in the lobby. Loki thanked James for his assistance and shooed him out into the hallway. He turned on the water and it made a small hiss, before spurting water in thick bolts in the tub. The sound was very pleasant. Loki removed his clothes, and stepped into the shower, the water was hot, and Loki watched as a small patch of reddened skin inflamed on his arm, and he knew that the hot water was bad for his skin, bud he lavished the warmth of being clean for the first time in months. He poured a small amount of soap into his hands and brought it up to his nose to sniff. It was a deep wooden smell and it made him feel safe, like in the library back on Asgard, the only place that was his safe haven when Thor or the idiots three were on a rampage. The shelves were packed with all of his favorite books, and he preferred the library more than his room any day. He lathered the soap into his hair, trying to be gentle around his knots. He washed and washed, desperately trying to wash the feeling of loss off of himself. He would never be able to go home. Even if he was an oafish brat, part of him still missed Thor. When the tears started to blur his vision, Loki leaned his head against one wall, watching as his tears fell to the drain. As he scrubbed away the last of his remorse and loneliness from the past month, he looked forward. Maybe to a future with new people he loved. Maybe, he could talk James into his scheme, he certainly wasn’t going to be able to leave for a while. Loki wondered at the most convincing way to tell James, he certainly seemed to be a good person, but this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially if Tony had made a deal with these bad people. He also thought about the fast-paced relationship that he had found himself in. Usually, when he had a lover, it was like a match, quick, bright, and gone almost as soon as it began. He assumed that this would be very much the same, regardless of how he felt. He would indulge James, and not be upset when the flame burned out. As he was thinking, he was also drying himself off, when a knock came at the door, and Loki startled for a second before calming himself. He wrapped the towel around his waist, fussing with it a little.

“Come in.” Loki said. James opened the door with a pile of clothes in his hands, holding them out to Loki. As Loki reached to grab them, James’ face pinkened a small bit and Loki smiled. James handed off the clothes, then tucked his hands into his pockets, rocking on his heels a moment in hesitation. He pursed his lips and spoke.

“Do all gods look this good? I mean, I have a chemical serum flowing through my veins, but you’re,  _ damn _ .” He swept away the hair in his face, and rocked on his heels a moment before swiftly turning on them. “I’m sorry, that was, out of character for me.” he said as he closed the door. Outside the door, James was quietly hyperventilating, his face burned, but he couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or  _ something else _ . He pulled his hand through his hair and went to sit back on the couch. He turned on the TV, flipping to a news station who’s coverage was of some catastrophe in England. He was quickly bored, so he started channel surfing, looking for something interesting to watch, his face still hot from the steam in the bathroom. He looked at his arm, where he had come to expect condensation after a shower, this time however, it was clean, maybe some more of Loki’s magic in action. 

When Loki emerged from the bathroom, a billowing cloud of steam fell from the door frame as if he was exiting an Amazonian jungle. His hair fell over his shoulders in long, ink, black strands, and even though he was wearing whatever clothes James could pull together, he looked absolutely stunning. “To answer your question, as far as I know, I am the only one from my home planet that has taken a shower. We usually take baths. But, that doesn’t answer your question does it actually? It is my opinion that _mmm_ my brother’s future fiancé, the Lady Sif, who is quite attractive, I will admit, even for a warrior. I am the only one who is not battle-forged, which makes me quite  _ unattractive _ to most of the people on Asgard.” 

“Well I think you look amazing.” James said, standing and walking over to Loki. He draped his arms around him in a big hug, and dragged both Loki and himself back over to the couch. Loki went rigid with the movement, and James could tell that this gave Loki some sort of negative reaction. He stayed quiet though, and they both laid on the couch, with James’ arms around Loki. He couldn’t stand that Loki saw himself as such a low creature. He kissed the top of Loki’s forehead, and whispered “Is this okay?” Loki inhaled gently and closed his eyes, nodding briefly. James flipped to the history channel, it was showing a documentary on the sinking of the Titanic, which James still remembers being a fresh incident when he was a child, having sunk only 5 years before he was born. 

As they watched this documentary on the Titanic, Loki was actually very invested. The height of human hubris never failed to impress Loki, the people claimed it was unsinkable, yet one blow to an iceberg took out so many people. When he remembered his surroundings, Loki craned his head to look at James, “What do you think of-” but he did not finish because James was fast asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite chapters so far. I struggled to write this one.


	10. Crossed Wires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it! 10 Chapters!

Loki needed clothes. He had survived on James’s graphic tees for too long, and now that he was clean, needed clothes that suited his style. He could summon clothes, but those only fit the style on Asgard, and he needed clothes that would let him blend in. Nothing, not even living in hiding, dignified wearing such clothes. If they were going to go see a world famous billionaire, they would have to look the part. The problem was, Loki had no idea where to get good clothes. He had bought his dress from a place called Walmart, where he could afford it at the time. This was a subject he brought up at breakfast the next morning. “I am going to meet with Stark about this Hydra issue.” Loki said nonchalantly, as if he was saying he was going to go to the store, or do some laundry. James was agog, he stared at Loki for an extended period of time. “But I need better clothes then  _ this _ if I’m going to go meet with him though. Where do you Midardians get your clothes that aren’t  _ this _ ?” He gestured to his shirt, which was a grey shirt with red stars on it. Similarly faded to the rest of his wardrobe, and Loki guessed he hadn’t gone shopping in a while either. 

“Um, there’s this place called a mall, we could go there I guess.” James said. Loki nodded and finished off his meal. Today’s breakfast was french toast, and Loki had to admit that James was certainly a good cook, if not a good dresser. James started to wipe down the counters in the kitchen, and as Loki gingerly placed his plate in the sink, James turned to a radio sitting on the counter that Loki hadn’t noticed before. James clicked a button, and music started to play, James turned a dial, and it got louder. The music was a waltzy, gentle tune, something that contrasted with the loud, aggressive, pop music that was always playing in Crown Jewel. Loki stood, enjoying the music, for a second. He closed his eyes and swayed slightly with the beat, enjoying the feeling of just **_being_** for once, without having to constantly pull up a facade that he was the arrogant little brother. When he was around James, he could be himself, not only could he be himself, he could be  _ wanted _ . Nobody  _ wanted _ him on Asgard like James did. He smiled at the thought, as he had never felt what it was like to have true and genuine love, even if it was only temporary. As he reveled in this purest ecstasy for a moment, James had stopped cleaning the counters, and made his way over to Loki, watching him for just a second, before grabbing his hands and starting to sway. Loki looked at him with utter confusion. “This is called dancing.” James clarified. Loki rolled his eyes.

“I know what  _ dancing _ is James, but this isn't dancing.” Loki argued, but he didn’t pull away. They continued to dance, until a swell in the song, and then James twirled. The sudden movement unbalanced Loki, and he wobbled, falling into James, who caught him, dipping him low to the ground, his ember black hair sweeping the floor. He didn’t have time to complain when James kissed him. His hair brushed against Loki’ face, and he was caught off guard. Once again, he didn’t pull away, and actually pushed back. James tasted like coffee and a slight hint of mint from his toothpaste. He tasted like joy and sunshine, and all the things Loki didn’t deserve. Loki put a hand to James’ face, pushing aside the hair covering his eyes. James stopped and pulled back, helping Loki to his feet. Loki held James’ hand, putting it to his lips and giving it a small kiss. “This is certainly an interesting dance.” James blushed, combing through his hair many times, before Loki reached up and grabbed that hand too. “You’ll start losing hair like that.” James let out a small laugh.

“I’m, I don't know. I’m sorry? I guess?” James said noncommittally. Loki dropped James’ hands, and so did his heart along with it. This was the moment, James was about to kick him out of the apartment. Loki felt confused, didn’t Winter want him to remain? Maybe he would use that as his argument to stay, that he didn’t want to get kidnapped again. He prepared his argument, and took a deep breath, waiting for James to say the words that would seal his fate;

“I think I love you.” 

This wasn’t what Loki was expecting. Loki stumbled backwards, bumping against the couch, placing a hand on the back for support. He was shocked. He placed his other hand over his mouth, and felt tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t afford James to see him crying, he rushed into his room, stumbling as he reached the door, and swung it closed, accidentally slamming it shut. He rushed over to his bed and buried his head in his pillow, sobbing and gasping for air. 

James facepalmed. This is what he got for emotional availability. Of course the first person he loved since Steve didn’t reciprocate the feeling. Why should he? His psycho alter ego had kidnapped him, hell, that’s the only reason they had met in the first place. James rubbed his face and considered his options, should he go ask him what was wrong? Or should he leave it be? When he was returned to his senses after the fall from the helicarrier, he wished he had had someone to talk to, and not just an empty apartment to stare at. He made up his mind and walked over to Loki’s door. He hesitated for a second, trying to hear something from the inside, but all he could hear was the creaking of the bed as Loki sat on it. He turned the knob with a small click, and entered the room. As he closed the door behind him, he saw Loki face down on the bed, his head buried in the pillows. James sat down gently on the bed, putting a hand on Loki’s back, Loki spasmed, and James recoiled, afraid he had hurt Loki in some way. Loki spasmed again, and this time, James could hear Loki sob into his pillow, but he quickly clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle it. James faced away from Loki, and stared out the window out into the busy city below. “When I was young, I got hit when I cried. My father would always tell me;  **_‘boys don’t cry’_ ** or sometimes **_‘man up’_ ** . I always found that contradictory.  _ Boys _ don’t cry, but  _ man _ up. But I didn't cry, that is, not even when I got tortured the first time. I clenched my teeth, and I  _ manned up _ . I did cry, though, when Steve came to rescue me.  **_‘Bucky!’_ ** he sounded so  _ relieved.  _ He sounded so happy to see me alive, and I was glad to be alive, for sure, but the Steve I faced was one that was entirely new to me. I was someone I didn’t entirely recognize. That night, I cried in the med tent. The nurses called it shell-shock, some today might call it PTSD, but that night, I knew I was crying over Steve. That’s when I knew I was bi, that night, when I faced my feelings.” James stopped, his eyes were starting to get blurry too. He sniffed and wiped his hand over his face.

“You’re rambling.” Loki said quietly from his place on the bed. He wiped his own tears and sat up next to James. 

“Am I? Well, I started talking to try to make you feel better, and I guess I got carried away. I tend to do that.” He wiped his eyes once more, and glanced over at Loki. He was struggling to hold back more tears, and he had his head in his hands. James put his hand on his back. “Another thing, If you’re crying because you don’t reciprocate my feelings, then it’s fine. I know how it feels.” Loki let out a small sound that James couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or a cry. It could have been both. Loki turned to James and wrapped him in as big of a hug he could muster. His arms were boney and thin, and right at that moment, James thought about how much Loki regularly ate, and if it was enough. Loki sobbing into his shoulder brought him back to the present moment, and he put his hand on the back on Loki’s head, petting it slightly to calm him down. 

“It’s- It’s not that. I’ve never loved anyone this much before, but-” Loki sobbed, almost uncontrollably, “no one’s ever loved me before. Not even my parents.” James’ face softened. He truly couldn’t attract people without tremendous amounts of baggage could he? Loki sniffed, composing himself. “I was thinking, what if we kidnapped Tony Stark too?” James looked at Loki in confusion and slight horror. “Nothing too much, just transporting him in secret so that Hydra doesn’t catch wind of what we’re doing. If he cooperates, my plan was just to get him back here to talk, of his own free will. Don’t worry, he doesn’t have to be shot.” James winced, he still felt incredibly guilty about that. He put his metal hand to his neck, the chill of the arm shooting chills down his spine.

“I- I guess that could work.”

“Excellent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	11. Whoops is Insufficient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my adderall for keeping me focused, my adhd for keeping up until midnight, and the utter lack of creative flow that caused this to be written in one day. Honorable Mentions- The google doc that now has 31 pages in it.

Tony Stark sat at a long, ovular, meeting table. The room he was in was boring, even by billionaire standards. It was a light grey, and there were three floor-to-ceiling windows along the right side of the room. A TV monitor sat on one wall, and on it was something or other about the newest company he had joined with. He was used to spacing out at meetings, and Pepper would send him the briefing afterwards anyways. This company seemed to be really into snakes, something he might have understood more if he cared enough to pay attention. What he basically knew is that they were producing some sort of growth protein to be sold as protein powder or pre-workout, something Tony was sure Rogers would enjoy. Currently, instead of paying attention, he was drawing new ways to improve his suit. His mind kept wandering back to the party, and that woman. Valoryie she said her name was, well, she didn’t  _ say _ anything. Now that he thought about it in depth, this was probably the first time he felt genuine interest in anybody since probably middle school. He had had his little fling with Pepper, and for what time they were together, they did have a genuine connection, but Tony was too afraid of commitment to actually settle down. “Mr. Stark, I believe we will continue to flourish under the new guidance of your company.” This man had a thick accent, something Russian or P olish.

“And I will delight in providing what insight I can. I’ll make sure my secretary gets you the appropriate funding soon.” He rose from the table as the others started to gather their documents. Signing a deal with Tony Stark was easy, getting Pepper to sign off was the hard part. Tony went back to his office and sat at his desk. Most of the day was spent being the face of the company, and right now, he had to answer a couple emails before closing up for the day and heading to his shop. He typed at his computer aimlessly for a few minutes, regurgitating business spiel into an email. Once he was satisfied with his work, he copy and pasted his signature into the email, hit send, and shut down his computer. He grabbed his coat, slinging it over one arm, and locked up his office for the day. His office, compared to the rest of the building, was much more his style. Pepper had had free reign over the rest of the place, but here? It was all cars and typical dude stuff. In the corner hung a photo of his dad, crossing his arms and looking down disapprovingly, just like he would do if he were here. Tony didn’t like to lie about his father like other people did. He was a brutal man, and that’s how he should be remembered. Thinking this as he descended in his own personal elevator to the parking garage, he didn’t notice when a black car with tinted windows pulled into the spot next to his car. He continued not to notice as they rolled down the windows, and as a stocky man got out of the passenger’s side door. What he did notice, however, was when a hand was placed on his shoulder. The hand was cold, and it sent a wave of chills up Tony’s spine. He turned to look at the man’s face, but there was nothing unusual about it. It was almost  _ too _ ordinary. The man was dressed entirely in black, and his hair hung right around his ears. The force by which he gripped Tony’s shoulder wasn’t anything painful, and this was one of the gentler kidnappings he’d been the victim of. 

“Look man, either you’re stupid or not up on the trends, because ‘Tony Stark Kidnapped’ is a common front page title if you read the New York Times.” Tony didn’t fight back, because so far, this man had shown him no hostility. 

“We just want to talk where there isn’t going to be creeping eyes or ears.” replied the man. He moved his hand down Tony’s back and guided him towards the now open back door of the car. As Tony slid into the seat, he picked up on the driver, who was a woman with familiar features that he struggled to place. Tony squinted in her direction as the man got into the car. “Buckle up, we don’t want you to get hurt.” The man said, pulling on his own seat-belt.

“Aw, I’m touched.” Tony said, fastening his seat-belt. The engine roared to life, and Tony watched as they pulled out of the garage onto the road. It was busy, which would buy him some time. First, he took note of which street signs they passed, making sure he could retrace his steps if he were to describe them to someone else. He quietly and slowly reached into his pocket to find… nothing. He was sure he had grabbed his phone off of his desk when he left. The driver handed off something to the passenger, who held it up. It was his phone.

“Looking for this?” said the man. His tone was significantly colder than it was before, and it chilled Tony to his core. Now he was truly scared. There was no way to have gotten his phone off him, unless he grabbed it when he was being shoved into the car, which didn’t make sense, considering Tony had felt it in his pocket when he sat down. 

“How did you-”

“That doesn’t matter right now.” said the woman, finally speaking up. Her voice was unplaceable, it was somewhere between masculine and feminine, and not quite cold or warm. This woman was an enigma to Tony. She craned around in her seat to face Tony, and the man grabbed the wheel with one hand. Now Tony could recognize her. This was Valoryie. The revelation sent shock waves through Tony’s brain and he was stunned into silence, a rare occurrence. As Tony sat there stunned, Valoryie spoke once more;

“What matters right now is that you be quiet until we reach our destination. Understood?” Tony nodded. Valoryie turned back around to face the road and continued to drive as if nothing had happened. They must have reached their destination, because Valoryie killed the engine and handed the man something. The man turned around in his seat, his face was now solid and determined, and unlike when they had first met in the parking garage, didn’t have an ounce of doubt on his face. With what Tony now recognized as a blindfold, the man covered his eyes. “No hard feelings I hope, Like you said, this is very common.” she wasn’t wrong, this was a common part of his kidnappings. He heard the door beside him swing open, and a hand, he assumed the man’s, from the utterly icy feeling it inspired in him, grabbed Tony’s shoulder. He was heaved out of the car, and walked a short distance to an elevator. It must be a high floor, because it took a few seconds for the doors to ding open again. Once again, he was shoved forward, and they entered another room, or passed through another door. The noise under his feet went from soft, which must have been a carpet, to hard, which could be wood or tile. He continued walking until his knee bumped into a chair, and he was shoved downwards. “Here, hand me those.” he heard Valoryie say, before he felt the clicking of handcuffs being locked around his wrist. “Alright.” Valoryie said decidedly, and the blindfold was yanked off. Tony took in his surroundings. There was a couch and a TV, a hallway and some rooms, and behind him must be a kitchenette, judging by the whooshing of water coming from a tap. A glass was placed next to him, and he picked it up and greedily drank, fear always made him thirsty. “Ah, before we begin, we still have one more problem.” Valoryie motioned to the man and he came to stand by her side. She placed a hand gently against his cheek, then leaned in for a small kiss. “It’s okay now sweetheart, you can come out. It’s safe.” Tony was confused by this, there didn’t seem to be anyone else hiding in the apartment. Quickly, he became more confused as the man doubled over, writhing slightly, then straightening. He blinked hard for a couple seconds, shaking his head. What was more concerning to Tony, though, was that the second their lips parted, a wave of silky, green energy passed over Valoryie’s body, becoming a familiar lean and pale figure. His hair fell to the middle of his back, and his eyes glinted. 

**_“Loki.”_ **

“In the flesh.”

* * *

“Loki.” 

“Yes James?”

“What happened to going shopping?” 

“I decided we would go later. For right now, all that matters is that no one sees us.” Right now, was of course walking down the shady alleyways of Manhattan to a car rental business. They were going to rent a car to go ‘pick up’ Tony Stark. Loki had decided, instead of meeting with Stark, which could make Hydra suspicious of them, they would go and collect him. James insisted on using every other word except  _ kidnap _ , or any other variant, for two reasons. One, that it might trigger Winter, and, Two, he still felt guilty about Loki. How Loki felt was different, and entirely too long of a story. Once they spotted one in the distance, they fell into the passing crowd.

“How are we going to  _ rent a car _ ?” James whispered. This was a valid question, and one Loki hadn’t thought of. He thought for a moment. 

“I have a fake ID, which, let me tell you, is oddly easy to get in this city.” Loki responded, almost sounding surprised, but he tried to keep his voice monotone, and his thoughts on the topic at hand. James was aware of such things, trying to form a legal identity in New York was hard when you’re starting from scratch. 

“I have cash, hopefully enough to at least rent a car for an hour.” James said, digging around in his bag. 

“Perfect.” Loki said, but the pitch in his voice warbled as he shifted into a familiar feminine form. Before him stood Valoryie, and, while James admitted Loki was quite attractive, Valoryie was beautiful in her own special way. She smoothed down the front of the light blue dress she was wearing, and took the bag from James’ outstretched hand. “Wish me luck!” she said as she walked towards the building. James creeped back into the alley a little bit. He didn’t feel comfortable being out in the open for so long, especially without the newfound comfort he had placed in Loki’s magic. After quite some time, and four checks of his watch, James spotted Valoryie coming out of the building with a paper, and a set of keys in her hand. Yes! She had done it. She handed the bag off to James, and they hurried back up to the lot sitting next to the building. “I picked out  _ this one. _ ” She said, pointing at a black, medium-sized, car with tinted windows. 

“Not a bad choice.” James said admiringly. He had a genuine interest in cars, but his knowledge of what was good and what was bad was very out of date. He opened the passenger door and slid into his seat. The interior was faux-leather, and the car smelled like new. James wished he could own a car like this, driving had been one of his pastimes before the war. Valoryie slid into the driver’s seat.

“Not bad huh?” she said, putting the key into the ignition. She turned it, and it roared to life.

“Do you know how to drive a car?” James asked, puzzled. 

“Yes, I had to drive once or twice when I came to Midgard the first time. I might be out of practice, but I’ve got the basics. Besides, you can help if I need it, right?” Valoryie asked, looking at James. James smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. 

“Of course, but you might not want me to do that in front of….um..” James hesitated.

“In front of Stark.” Valoryie finished. 

“Yeah.” James rubbed his neck. He cleared his throat and tried to start again. “You might not want to appear as if you don’t know what you’re doing in front of him.” James said, wringing his hands. He bit his lip, and tried to calm his nerves. If it went according to plan, nobody would have to be hurt, and hopefully, James wouldn’t even be conscious for it, if Winter took over. 

“Well, in that case, I’ll make sure Stark doesn’t notice my lack of driving skills.” Valoryie said, placing a hand on James’ shoulder. “Calm down darling, it will go great.”

“You make it sound like all we’re doing is performing a play, or taking a test.” James said frantically. Valoryie sighed. She leaned next to James ear and whispered softly;

“ _ I promise you’re going to be okay, you have my word _ ” James took a deep breath. Valoryie’s gentle breath against his cheek was very calming. He turned to face forward in his seat. 

“Let’s do this.”

  
  


* * *

“You sick son of a  _ bitch _ .” Tony fought against his restraints to no avail. He was furious. The woman he had been daydreaming about was secretly the man that had thrown him off of a building. Loki simply crossed his legs. He looked utterly bored at the situation. Tony spat at Loki, who simply waved a hand and it disappeared with a sizzle. 

“Are we quite done?” Loki asked, as if he was talking to a toddler after a temper tantrum. Tony struggled against the handcuffs for a second longer. “Look, if you’re going to be this immature, it’s almost 5:30, and James and I could just leave you here while we go get coffee.” Tony continued to say nothing and wrestled with the handcuffs. Loki sighed. 

“I-  _ You bastard! Was it a scheme all along? Did you even really care about me? _ ” Tony was starting to see red spots in his vision. He was breathing quickly, and the lack of oxygen to his brain was making him feel light-headed. 

“My question is, did you care about  _ me? _ ” Loki asked. Tony was taken aback. Of course he did, but, now, he thought about it, he realized that that was an uncommon response. The tabloids went crazy anytime they spotted Tony with a new woman, but he very rarely cared for them as people. They were just pretty girls, passing through his life.

“Of course I did. What I said on the balcony that night was true. I haven’t bared my soul like that to anyone since my mom died.” Tony said, hurt. Loki looked surprised. He turned to look at the man, who had an expression of confusion mixed with slight hurt. 

“Whoops.”

“ _ Whoops?  _ **_Whoops?_ ** You made me fall for one of the worst villains I’ve ever faced.” Tony said, his hatred had gone sour, turning into disgust. 

“It’s not my fault. I didn’t say one word to you all night.” Loki said contemptuously. His facade was faltering though, and Tony could see that he was also surprised that Tony had said yes. Tony clenched his jaw.

“Not your fault?  _ Not your fault? _ You  **_kissed_ ** me for goodness’s sake” Tony said with extreme sarcasm. The man standing behind Loki looked genuinely upset now, and Tony took notice of this. “Uh oh, looks like your  _ boyfriend _ didn’t like that very much.” Tony sneered. Loki whipped around, rushing over to place his hands on the man’s shoulders. 

“James, oh my,  _ James _ , please, it’s not like that.”  _ James _ as it were, had his hand over his mouth and was staring straight forward into space. Loki’s apparent plan had crumbled into pieces, and Tony reveled in the disaster he created. “James, please, let me explain. Let’s go get coffee and we can talk about it.  _ Please. _ ” James pursed his lips, making the go white with the pressure. 

“How about you tell us both, here and now.” James said. Loki’s eyes were pleading, and he nodded his head. 

“I had hoped this would be obvious, but, I  _ love you _ James. More than anybody before. My love for you feels like a piece of my life I was missing until now.”

“ _ Ugh _ , Can we cut the lovey-dovey crap?” sighed Tony. Loki snarled at him and cast a hand out, from it flew a wave of magic, and Tony’s lips were sealed together. He looked back down at James, taking his head in his hands. 

  
“I promise I love you.  _ You have my word _ .” With that, James sighed and leaned his head against Loki’s chest and Tony rolled his eyes. If the rest of his stay here was going to be as much as a soap opera as today was, then this was shaping up to be his most entertaining kidnapping yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Choo-Choo! That plot train is a-chugging. I might have to skip the next monday chapter due to schoolwork, but we'll see.


	12. You Dumb-ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! It's still Monday for 2 more hours.

Loki rubbed his forehead with his left hand, and with his right, he was forming a spell. It took the form of a large, wispy ball. He was trying to pick out memories of both his and James that would be most convincing for Stark to believe he was working with Hydra. He was a stubborn man, and as of yet, refused to listen to anything they had to say, simply on the principle that Loki was a villain. James morally wrestled with this conundrum, he wasn’t a bad person, was he? While James struggled with this, Loki got to work. If he could conceive of a spell that simply put the knowledge in Stark’s head, they could get to work faster. Nordic magic was simple in theory, think of something, make it happen. However, the execution was the hardest part, not something Loki ever struggled with, but something that took a while if he was to be careful, and he was hoping to avoid permanent brain damage. Loki sighed for what must have been the hundredth time that morning, and sat up in his chair, rolling his neck to stretch out the knots. “What’s wrong princess, did your plan fall apart on you?” Stark said from the corner where he was placed. He was tied to the chair he sat in, which was a wheelchair that James had fetched from a goodwill. Loki rolled his eyes and turned to look at Stark, again.

“Once again, This,” he gestured to the floating translucent ball in front of him,“is for your own good.” He turned back to face his spell and dipped both hands into the flowing energy that comprised it. Stark started to open his mouth for a retort, but Loki pulled one hand away and pointed his finger at Stark. “Not another word.” Stark closed his mouth, leaning back with a smug grin on his face. Loki put all his concentration back into his work, until a half hour later, when the sound of keys in the lock on the front door broke his concentration. He glanced at the clock. 

5:53 pm

Loki blinked hard, amazed at the passing of time. He had been working for 3 hours non stop, and now James was coming back, probably with coffee. He stood, placing a hand on the back of the chair for support. His knee was healing, but it still ached, and standing on it hurt when he had been sitting for so long. It was Tony’s turn to roll his eyes. “Your  _ boyfriend _ is home.” Stark put so much condescension in the word boyfriend that Loki was almost surprised acid didn’t drip from his lips. Lok strood over to the door, only limping slightly as he did so. The door swung open and James stepped in, carrying a cardboard carrier with three coffees in it. James insisted on buying Stark a coffee, despite the fact he never drank them. Loki leaned carefully over the coffees and planted a small kiss on James’ cheek. As he pulled away, he grabbed his coffee, it was achingly warm in his hand, and he grabbed James’ shoulder to right himself. He took a sip of his coffee, it had been quite a month for them. It had been a week since they had taken Stark, and surprisingly, no one was looking for him. Apparently going missing was common enough for Stark to do on his own, so the police had stopped launching full scale searches, and the public generally disregarded anything to do with the absence of Tony Stark, much to Stark’s dismay. 

Loki’s hand moved to James’ head and he ran his hands through his hair. It was wet with the sweat from his workout, but still surprisingly soft. Loki pulled his hand away and ran a hand through his own hair. It was the best it had been, and his natural curls started to return after the longest time. His hand dropped to his side and he made his way back to the chair he had been sitting in before James had arrived. He sat down and took another sip of his coffee, trying to linger in the wonderful scent of coffee. James walked up beside Loki, peering in the spell. There were floating runes, Nordic characters, and swirls of translucent mist. As he worked, parts of the floating sphere were slowly becoming opaque, with a shade of dark green that had such a hue to them, that James had nothing to compare it to. He continued to watch Loki work until he put his hands on two sides of the orb, slowly collapsing it until it was the size of his palm. He wrapped both hands around it until James couldn’t see it anymore, then he opened his hands again and it was gone, just like that. James was taken aback. Loki chuckled slightly, reaching up to put his hand on James' face. “I sent it to a liminal dimension, one between worlds that I use as my personal dimension. That way Stark can't meddle with it, even if he knew how.” Loki retracted his hand and reached for his coffee, taking a long drink from the disposable cup. 

Tony clenched his jaw, and was about to say something about witches on TV, when all of a sudden, Loki was in front of him. Tony jolted, and looked back at the table, where Loki still sat, with James leaning over his shoulder chatting about something. The Loki in front of him glared, and he looked back at him, or it, or, Tony wasn’t sure. He didn’t have much more time to ponder, when the Loki facing him grabbed him and they both disappeared in a completely dark void. He couldn’t tell if he was stationary or floating, but he was sure that there was nothing for forever in any direction. He tried to slow his breathing, he was probably in one of those liminal spaces Loki was talking about. The last thing he heard was Loki’s voice from every direction, “ **_Be Quiet_ ** .” It rang out and was louder than was possible if they were in space, now that Tony thought about it, how was he breathing? Obviously such variables didn’t matter in this situation. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, he would just have to wait. 

James suddenly became aware of the absence of noise in his apartment. No squeaking of old wheelchair wheels, no annoyed breaths, nothing that indicated that Tony Stark was captive in his apartment. He straightened, turning slowly on his heels, to look at where Tony  _ had _ been. There was nothing except for a disposable cup sitting on the ground, steam still rising from it. James’ breath hitched, and Loki, without turning around, said; “Don’t worry darling, I’ve just sent him to one of those liminal spaces because he’s annoying.” James whipped around to face Loki. This sent shock-waves of concern across Loki’s face.

“Babe, if you’re gonna disappear a  _ whole man _ , at least tell me first.” James said, his breath uneven and quick. Loki stood from his seat and walked casually over to James, cupping his face in his hands and leaning down so that they saw eye to eye. 

“I promise, you have my word.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so , sorry for being so late with this one, but I needed to take a mental health break. It's November, and you know what that means! National write a novel month! I solemnly swear that I will post on time this month, and that I'll sit down to write every day.


	13. What A Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one isn't my fault. My phone didn't save the chapter, and I was away from my computer for four days. Sorry!

When one doesn’t have a light source, it’s impossible to count the passing of time. Tony Stark was trapped in solitary confinement for 2 hours, floating aimlessly in a void, with his heart skittering, unable to be calm. How could he be calm in such an unfamiliar environment? He lacked two of his senses, hearing and sight. The only sound for forever was the rasping of his breath in his lungs, and the subtle clink of him fidgeting against the chair that remained stubbornly attached to his legs. As for sight, there was nothing to see, and that meant that he couldn’t even see his own body uselessly floating in this void. He was slowly starting to get hungry, and wondered just how long Loki would keep him here to torture him, not that he knew how long it had been. There was an unsettling flash of light that temporarily blinded Tony, and a sound like a plane taking off with the windows open. He once again felt ground underneath him, and he was sitting exactly where he had been, the coffee long since cold by his feet. He leaned down to pick it up, gulping down the cold drink, black, the only way he drank it. Around the rim of his cup, he observed Loki sitting at the kitchen table tapping his fingers, and James facing away, making something in the kitchen. Tony placed the now empty cup in his lap and rolled over to the table. His brow was damp from sweat, and his heart was only just beginning to slow. Loki looked deadpan at the table.

**Tap**

**Tap**

**Tap**

**Tap**

“How was your time in my own personal dimension?” Loki asked, keeping his eyes on the table. Tony scoffed, but his breath was shaky. “Enjoyed your stay did you?” Tony just continued to try to moderate his breathing enough to get out a word, swallowing harshly around a knot in his throat. 

“Fuck you.” he said hoarsely. Loki chuckled and pulled a tight grin. He pushed himself up from the table, and walked over to where James stood, wrapping one arm around his shoulder and talking quietly into his ear. Tony noticed that James was very shaky, and wondered what had happened in his absence. The clink of a plate and cutlery in front of him startled him, and he looked back at the table. In front of him was a chicken breast that looked excellently prepared. He was hesitant to trust anything put in front of him, but he was also starving. He reluctantly picked up his knife and fork and dug into his meal. 

It turned out that James was an excellent cook. The chicken was delicious and Tony felt bad for hesitating. As he finished, he wiped his mouth with a napkin, and set down his knife and fork. He turned to look at James’ whose brown hair fell over his face in waves that obscured his eyes. “Thank you for this meal, it was very good.” Tony rolled back from the table and wheeled over to sit in front of the television. Searched for the remote, and flipped on the TV to a channel selling small china figures. He flipped through channels, and settled on one about ghost hunters in the UK. As he watched this show, James and Loki cleaned up the dishes and when they were done, Loki walked up behind Tony and took a seat on the couch, fascinated by the show. Human belief in ghosts and the paranormal fascinated Loki, because, of course there was an afterlife, you either die a hero and go to Valhalla, or you go to Hel. On the other hand, ghosts scared James. There was a chance that he had to remain on earth and continue to suffer after he died, and the possibility of that terrified him. 

They continued to watch this program until 9pm, when James’ eyes started to grow heavy. Thanks in part to Loki’s magic, he had been able to sleep much better, but James liked to think that it was his presence that made him feel safer in his own head. James had insisted Loki sleep in the master bed despite numerous protests. Loki was unsure of where he stood. On one hand, James’ presence next to him generated a lot of comfort that wasn’t unwelcome. On the other hand, Loki had previously only gotten such close contact from his brother, and it was usually abrasive and annoying to deal with. 

Tony had no such luxury. He was allowed the small twin bed in the guest room, and he was handcuffed to the bed frame, in a similar fashion that Loki was cuffed to the bed when he first arrived. He usually went to bed after heavy drinking, the only thing that kept his sleep dreamless. He had woken up in a sweaty panic that morning, and he couldn’t tell if that was from the withdrawal of alcohol, or a terrible nightmare. 

As Loki and James prepared for bed, Tony continued to watch the TV, hoping that the glowing monotony would keep him from falling asleep. James looked worriedly out into the hall from the bathroom, looking at Tony as if he were to disappear again. Loki came back out into the living room, now clad in black silk button up pajama top and matching bottoms. James had gone shopping some days prior, and had only picked up the chair Tony was sitting in because he had been out to buy more fitting clothes for Loki. Loki put his hands on the handles with the intent to push Tony into his room, but Tony put down the brakes on his wheels, creating a horrible screeching noise. “I’m going to stay out here tonight.” Tony said, with more authority in his voice than he thought he could muster. Loki raised an eyebrow. 

“If you insist.” he maneuvered the wheelchair back in front of the TV screen, and walked back in the direction of James’ room. 

Tony didn’t remember falling asleep. He remembered the TV droning on about the possibility of ghosts, and three more random people that were doing something at some or other haunted location. Then he remembers a haze of motion, and then nothing again. 

* * *

Loki however, did remember what happened that night. He was sleeping soundly in James’ bed when he was awoken by gasping yelps coming from the living room. He jolted upright, as did James, and the both rushed into the living room. Stark was doubled over, clutching his chest with his hands. He was digging into his shirt, and Loki could tell he was going to have bruising. James grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and cut the restraints binding Stark to the chair. James grabbed him and held him in his arms, smoothing his hair out of his face with one hand. But Stark still writhed. “What do we do?” James asked desperately, the panic in his voice making him warble. Loki sighed deeply and thought for a moment. He moved closer to Stark and put his hands on either side of his head. Green wave of intense, pulsing, magic flowed both out of Loki’s hands and Stark’s head. Loki gritted his teeth and squared his jaw, intensifying the blasts of magic flowing out of him. Then, Stark relaxed and went limp in James’ arms. “What did you do?”

“I took the nightmare from him.” Loki said, he was starting to sway on his feet, and he sat quickly on the couch.

“Oh my god, your nose!” Loki waved him off.

“Go put Stark to bed.” James nodded and carried him into the room, placing him on the bed and pulling the blanket over him. He watched Tony’s sleeping face for a few moments, scanning for any signs of the night terrors that had been plaguing him mere moments ago, but James could find no evidence of whatever was making Stark act out in such a way. He walked back to the door, looking over his shoulder as he shut the door behind him. As he turned his gaze back to where Loki was sitting, he saw nothing, as Loki was in the kitchen fervently trying to soak up the blood seeping from his nose. There were tissues strewn about the counter covered in a mixture of dark red and blue, creating a horrifying deep purple. James rushed over to Loki, right as he was starting to lose his balance. Loki fell into James’ arms, and looked up, blood streaming down his face. “Help.” he said, his eyes drooping closed. James patted him gently on the cheek.

“I need you to stay awake.” He said, and Loki nodded, weary. James grabbed more tissues, and pressed them gently into Loki’s nose, pushing his head back. He moved over to sit at the kitchen table. He sat Loki in one of the chairs and instructed him to keep his head tilted until the blood flow stopped. After a few moments, it did, and James took the tissues from Loki and placed them into the trash. He got a wet cloth from one of the cabinets, and rubbed it on the dried blood under Loki’s nose. He cleaned off the blood, and placed the rag in the sink. He helped Loki stand, guiding him towards the bedroom. James laid him down on the bed, and went back to the kitchen to clean up. 

His head ached slightly, and one of his eyes was starting to hurt. He felt a presence in his head that had come to feel like a familiar pain. He took a deep breath in.

**_No._ **

And it was gone. James breathed a sigh of relief. He slumped against the counter and put his hand on his mouth, tears dripped from his eyes involuntarily. This had been quite the day. He wiped his eyes and finished cleaning. He ran the rag under hot water, the blood flowing out of the cloth into the drain. Gathering up all of the tissues and depositing them into the trash, he sighed again. So much had happened, not just in the past day, but in the last month. He leaned against the counter again and rubbed his face. He sighed deeply once more, then heaved up from the counter and flipped off the light. He walked into his bedroom, it was dark except for a sliver of light coming through the blinds from the busy city below. James crawled into bed and pulled the covers over himself. “What a night huh?” James said. But the only answer he got was the sound of Loki’s raspy breathing. James smiled and dug himself a place in the covers. They would have to talk in the morning, but for right now, they all needed to sleep. 


	14. Nosebleeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alive, aha, fuck.

Tony Stark woke up rested. He was astonished at this, having had terrible nightmares ever since being kidnapped by the Ten Rings. No sweat on his brow, no shortness of breath, no ache in his chest from hyperventilating in his sleep. He flattened his palms where he was lying, feeling sheets underneath him and a blanket over top. There was no ache on his wrist, or his ankles,  _ he wasn’t tied to anything. _ He cracked his eyes open to see light pouring in from the window on the wall. He gazed out at the city in front of him, as if he was seeing it for the first time; the rich blues of the sky, the glittering grey of the buildings, New York City was beautiful. He sat up gingerly, trying to avoid making any noise as he moved. He didn’t know what kind of temperament his hosts were in, and wanted to avoid a conflict where he had to physically hurt someone. There was no way he was taking on James, the man had a metal arm after all. There was a certain interesting tone to the silence in the apartment. When he was alone, Tony heard a desperate silence that closed in on him, when he was with loki, the silence of air was filled with the sour of mal-intent. James’ silence felt... warm. They felt like a summer day where you didn’t want to be stuck outside. They were… unsure and uncomfortable, to say the least. 

Tony decided to stop dawdling on the metaphors he now lived with, and get on with his morning. His clothes felt as those they were sticking to him, which they were. He had obviously sweat a lot last night, and his clothes had dried with the feeling of it. He peered into the mirror to examine the state of himself for the first time in a week. His shirt, a t-shirt that James had picked up and he begrudgingly wore, was a plain, white, cotton t-shirt. The shorts, basketball shorts that felt just a tad too big. His hair was all over the place, in some places it was matted to his head, and in others it was sticking out in wild directions. He ran his fingers through it, trying to smooth it down. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small stack of clothes resting on the chair. He turned, facing the chair now. He gazed down at the pile, examining the neatly folded shirt that rested on top. It was black, but it had a note in scrawled handwriting,  _ I’m sorry _ and further down,  _ We need to talk _ . He shuffled into his clothes and wrestled with trying to make his hair look good once more, finally resolving himself to step out of the room into the living room. Loki was sitting on the couch, both hands fully emerged in the green light of his sphere, and James was sitting at the table. He looked to be fighting with some incense thoughts, but a plate was set in the space closet to Tony. He walked gingerly up to the table, not trying to disturb James, as he sat. The plate had scrambled eggs and some bacon on it, and next to it was a pristine glass of water. He ate greedily, his stomach empty of everything, as if he had run a mile and his metabolism had worked overdrive. He sat in this uncomfortable silence, tinged with condescension he could feel radiating off Loki in waves. He finished his meal and sat his silverware down with a determined clink. From behind him, Loki sniffled.

“Hey, what exactly in your life has fucked you up so badly? Besides me of course.” Loki says, keeping his head turned towards the spell he was working on. James was just as surprised at this comment as Tony, and started out of his chair. 

“Babe…” he said, his tone clearly annoyed, but softening when he saw Loki’s face. Loki waved his hand over his shoulder. Tony could still not see his face.

“I was kidnapped by a gang in Afghanistan, and made to build them weapons, instead I built the first Iron man suit and now I’m Iron Man.” Loki nodded his head, pulling both hands away from his spell to slow clap. Tony could not see his face.

Loki cleared his throat. “You know, I’ve been kicked out, spit on and thrown in jail. I had my lips sewn together, did you know that? My, uh,  _ Odin _ , sewed my mouth shut. You know how much that hurts? To be operated on by someone you used to look up to?” He chuckled, then sniffled again. “I’m sure you know what it’s like to be  _ operated on _ , certainly, I mean, look at you.” He sniffled. “I admire your persistence Tony Stark. Can I call you Anthony?” Tony protested, but he continued. “I’m going to, much more formal.” He sniffled, wiping his hand across his face, which Tony could still not see. “Any other of my opponents would be dead already, or whimpering like a dog for mercy. You, Anthony Stark, are neither. That’s commendable.”

“I would appreciate the compliment, if it were coming from anyone else, but, it isn’t” Tony said sarcastically. Loki nodded and chuckled. He sniffed twice, wiping a hand across his face, this time raising his hand to where Tony could see it. There was a large splotch of blood on it. 

“Oh. That’s not good.” Loki said camly. “Maybe not good for me, but it means I am finished.” he said, putting the spell between his hands and gripping the sides and it started to become volatile. He rose from the couch, walking slowly and carefully to where Tony stood. Now Tony could see his face, and there was blood pouring from his nose. He grabbed James’ hand and pulled him to his side, then grabbing Tony’s hand, despite his attempts to rest his hand from Loki’s. The ball was making a loud whooshing noise, a sound like the air in a hurricane, and that instilled a true fear like Tony hadn’t had before. Loki instructed James to grab Tony’s hand, and he did, the wind getting even louder. Tony closed his eyes, he was just so confused. His hair whipped around him as he stood in place, his clothes rippling with the wind. He felt Loki’s hand on his forehead, and his eyes snapped open. Loki had covered his own thumb in blood, and had smeared it on Tony. His outrage met a peak, and his blood boiled, it felt like static racing through his veins. He watched as Loki did the same to James, and Tony wriggled and writhed trying to escape Loki’s grasp. The wind was so loud it sounded like an airplane taking off and they were strapped to the wheels. Tony’s heart raced, his blood screamed, and his eyes teared up.  _ Why did this happen? What was happening, what had he done to deserve this?  _ **_Why wouldn’t it all go away?_ **

And then it did. It was dead silent, but not a kind of silence Tony had felt in the apartment, no, this was a comforting silence. Like a silence in a car ride with friends. It’s not awkward, or forced, it’s just nice. Tony closed his eyes and relished this amazing silence, wrapping himself in it like a blanket. Then he opened his eyes. He was in a familiar patch of hot, dry, desert. This was where he had wandered for so long, waiting and walking to be rescued. He was scared, but only for a moment. His fear fizzled away, and was replaced by confusion, when he saw that he wasn’t leaving any tracks in the dunes. 

“I think it’s time we had a proper chat.” came a voice from behind him. He turned, seeing Loki standing holding James’ hand. Tony nodded, and they walked and talked for a while, stopping every so often to let Loki stop to catch his breath, the effort of this huge space he was creating was quite a lot. Loki and James relayed what information they knew, but didn’t have to say much. They started a line of dialogue, and a thread unspooled in Tony’s head, giving him what he needed to know without argument. They continued talking until they had run out of things to talk about, so they walked. After a time, Loki put his hand on Tony’s shoulder, looking him dead in the eye. “You know me, I lie, it’s what I do, but I promise you now, I am not lying.” and deep inside himself, Tony could tell he was, which was a first. Loki’s nose started to subtly drip, drip, drip, on to the sand below them, and he looked down at them and then back up at Tony. “Time to go.” Tony nodded, closing his eyes as the wind started to howl, and the world started to dim. He all at once heard the comfortable background noise of the city of New York and he took in a deep breath, opening his eyes to James’ apartment. Loki was holding tight to James’ shoulder, and when they were all back in the real world, Loki straightened, smoothing out his shirt and righting himself on his feet. He sniffed, rubbing away any blood. He blinked hard and shook his head, trying to orient himself. He blinked again. 

“Fuck.” and Loki promptly dropped to the ground in a heap. 


	15. Finally Getting Down To Business

“I hate this.” Loki said, leaning his head back and pressing a washcloth into his nose. The blood had stopped actively flowing, but the occasional drip still made its way out, so James had insisted that Loki hold the washcloth to his nose. There was a news station on the television and a woman in an all too bright pink dress was droning on about the weather and the chances for storms that week. Loki tilted his head forward and removed the washcloth from his nose. Most of the blood was blue, with specks of red. The oddest thing had happened to Loki; when he had taken Anthony’s dream, the ensuing nosebleed produced both blue and red blood, the red stemming from Tony. The way they had bonded in that moment caused Loki to have red blood, at least in his nosebleeds, for a short period of time. Nosebleeds were rare for Loki too, as part of his lineage dictated he healed fast, and he had never had nose bleeds when working or using a spell before. Anthony seemed to be special. Loki thought back to the tower, watching as he touched the tip of his scepter to Anthony’s chest, and nothing happened. He had thought his way out of a cave of terrorists using nothing but scraps of metal. Loki wiped his nose and sniffled, nothing came away on his hand, so he stood from his chair in the kitchen to wash off the blood. 

James turned to look at Loki from his place on the couch, He stared at Loki, admiring the way his body always seemed to glide when he walked. A loud noise snapped his attention back to the TV, where a loud car commercial was playing. James turned off the TV, and got up, walking over to where Anthony had been sitting quietly all morning. It was 11:15, and he had said very little, the previous days events had rattled him. He sat, staring into space, in one of the living room chairs. James put his hand in front of Anthony’s face, and, upon receiving no response, snapped his fingers. Tony jumped slightly, startled out of his thoughts. “Geez,” he said, putting a hand to his heart, “Can’t startle a man like that.”

“If you weren’t on Mars, then I wouldn’t have to.” James replied. “What are you thinking about anyway?” 

“I’m thinking about all the information you two gave me yesterday, I’m trying to think of a way to subvert these people and get them out of my company.” He put one of his hands to his chin and stroked it contemplatively. “I’m thinking I have to go into work tomorrow, at least to reassure my secretary Pepper that I’m not dead and still the CEO.” James nodded, this seemed like a reasonable plan. 

Loki piped in from the kitchen; “I don’t think you should mention us. Or, at the most, only tell your secretary.” he said. Tony nodded, he also didn’t think it was the best idea to mention his kidnappers to his secretary or she might call the police on them, he also thought that her reaction to him telling her that he was working with Loki might not be the best, best not to tell her, he decided. They all agreed to wait another day. 

* * *

  
  


Tony awoke to the sound of loud rapping on his door. He opened his eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. He shuffled out of bed and opened the door. There stood James with a cup of steaming coffee in a mug that said ‘If you play for both teams, you’ll always win’ on the side. Tony looked down at the cup and the back up at James several times. James blushed and moved to put one hand on his neck. “Sorry, it’s the only cup that was clean.” he said, trying to explain himself, more so for the tacky phrase than the evident bi flag on the side of the cup. Tony looked down at the cup, then back up at James, and took the cup. He took a long sip of the black coffee inside, and then swung the door shut. 

James arched his eyebrows.  _ Huh. _ he thought, and then turned around to look at Loki sitting at the kitchen table with his own personal mug that he had picked out from the store, that said ‘I like my humans like I like my tea, with multiple variations and flavors’ on the side, the letters colored with a pink, blue, and yellow gradient. He glanced at his own mug, sitting in the sink. ‘Friendly neighborhood queer’ He sat back down at the table and watched Loki enjoy his tea for a while before saying; “I think I need more mugs.”

“What do you mean darling?”

“I mean I need plain mugs for guests.” Loki took a sip of his tea and thought for a moment. 

“I suppose, but for today we have to get going soon. And seeing as you’re dressed, I think it’s time I did.” he said., getting up to place his now empty mug in to sink next to James’. He ran a hand through his hair, tendrils of green expanding out from his scalp, first shortening his hair, and then changing the rest of his body. Valoryie was wearing a sleeveless blue-green dress that fell to mid-calf. She smoothed out the front of her dress and walked to stand by the couch, leaning gently against it. James could see that the knee wound was healing significantly, and that she walked with a slight lilt in her step as a result of being used to favoring her right leg. James pushed himself up from the table just as Tony was closing the door to his room, clad in his button-up shirt and blazer over top, freshly washed from the day before. He too placed his mug in the sink, and walked to the door to put on his shoes. 

“I feel under-dressed.” James said sarcastically, wearing only a t-shirt and some shorts. It was August by then, and he knew that it was going to be hot that day. Valoryie shook her head. 

“Not at all darling, the only reason I dressed up is because these clothes come from that liminal dimension, so I only have fancy clothes in it. No need to feel overdressed. As for Anthony, I don’t know the dress code at work, so I’m assuming it’s meant to be official. We aren’t even going inside, correct?” she asked, turning to Tony. 

“What? Oh, no. Unless you want to.” He said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“No, No.” Valoryie said, putting a hand up. “The only reason we’re going is to make sure you aren’t going to bolt on us, which I'm fairly confident you aren’t.” She looked at Tony, staring straight into his eyes. “ _ Right? _ ” Plus, we have errands to do later.” she finished, easing up on the tension. Tony blinked, dumbfounded, and shook his head.

They stepped out the door and walked down the hallway on the threadbare rug. They coasted down in the elevator, and they stepped out into the lobby. As Tony pushed open the large glass door to exit on the street, a blast of hot air greeted him and he blinked rapidly, trying to clear his eyes. He stepped out onto the sidewalk of New York, then stopped. He had no idea where he was, so he couldn’t navigate back to his office building. James nudged Tony behind him and continued to walk. He knew the way around this city, the buildings may have changed, but the overall layout hadn’t, plus, it wasn’t very hard if you knew where you were going and followed street signs. They walked for about 15 minutes, not even leaving Manhattan. 

As they started to reach the building, Tony slowed, he wasn’t used to doing this much walking, and it didn’t help that he was in a button up shirt and blazer on a 100 degree day in the oven that was New York. They arrived at the building, and Tony stopped to take a breath before going inside. He entered the building, greeted by the crisp air conditioned air, and the sleek and shiny layout that characterized the building. The wall of windows and matching wall of mirrors on the other side that made him think back to his first encounter with Loki as he rode the elevator up to his floor. Was there any indication at all?  _ Not really _ . He thought. What he had seen in front of that mirror was a nervous and socially anxious person. Nothing that would have indicated that it was secretly a Nordic god. When he came back to reality, he was opening the door to his office, and flipping on the lights. His office remained fairly untouched aside from the lack of dust that showed that the cleaners had been in here. He sat down at his computer, rummaging around in his desk for a few things that he would need, stuffing them into a briefcase. Satisfied with his packing, he turned to the desktop phone, picking it up and dialing Pepper’s office number. 

“Hello, This is Pepper Potts with Stark Industries, How may I help you?” Pepper’s voice was cold and practiced, this was her customer service voice. 

“Hey Pepper, it’s me, You know, your boss.” Tony was reluctant to say anything more, afraid he would give too much away. He could hear Pepper taking angry deep breaths on the other end of the receiver. 

“Tony, We’ve talked about this, if you’re going to disappear, at least let me know!” Pepper said, irate. Tony considered his next words very carefully.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t have my phone and it was an  _ unexpected absence. _ ” he said gingerly. Despite this Pepper continued to chew him out. He sat there and took it, unsure of what to say that wouldn’t indicate his plan. He looked out his window and saw Valoryie and James waiting patiently on the sidewalk. He wondered what they were thinking about.

James thought about what mugs he would buy from the store as his heart beat increasingly faster as they spent more time just sitting in the open. 

_ Maybe blue mugs? _

**_You’re vulnerable._ **

_ White ones would match my plates _

**_Someone could shoot you and get away with it._ **

_ My favorite color is black though _

**_What if Steve’s here?_ **

_ Do they even have black mugs? _

**_You could be arrested or worse, killed._ **

**_You know what you’ve done._ **

He didn’t notice that he had been hyperventilating until Valoryie put a hand on his shoulder. “He’s just going to be a few more minutes. Then we can go home, we can skip the errands for today.” The chill of Valoryie’s hand contrasted with his own feverish heat made him calm in the muggy august weather. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He glanced around the crowded street, watching the faces of the people passing by. He could see no immediate threat and he relaxed slightly, still keeping his guard up, just in case. 

Valoryie watched James. She had no way of knowing concretely what he was thinking about, she didn’t even know what was causing his flare-up. She longed for a way to know how she could help the person that she cared for, her darling. She rubbed his back, trying to provide what comfort she could until he could calm down completely. Then came Anthony from the building holding a small leather briefcase. He made his way over to them.

“So I got all the information I could about,” he paused to look through the files “Super Protein.” James put his hand over the briefcase.

“Prying eyes, remember? We’ll talk at home.” Tony nodded and closed his briefcase, maintaining a fast pace as they hurried back to the apartment in the blazing New York City August heat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the mugs that have phrases are real mugs you can buy. Go to google, I promise you they're there.


End file.
